MAKE-UP  13UUK-HOW  TO  “MAKE-UP.”  A  practical  guide 
r  Amateurs,  with  Twenty-three  Colored  Illustrations. 


CCXLVI. 

FRENCH'S  MINOR  DRAMA. 

1  feting  6bition. 

a  -  '  .v 

■ - 


A 


A  BURLETTA,  IN  ONE  ACT. 


BY  DION  BOUCICAULT,  ESQ. 


TO  WHICH  ABE  ADDED 


A  description  of  the  Costumes — Cast  of  Characters — Entrances  and  Exits — 
Relative  Positions  of  Performers  on  the  Stage,  and 
the  whole  of  the  Stage  Business. 


AS  NOW  PERFORMED  AT  THE  PRINCIPAL  ENGLISH 
AND  AMERICAN  THEATRES. 


New  York 

-SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30  WEST  3STH  STREET 


London 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  Ltd. 
26  Southampton  Street, 
STRAND 


MAKE=UF  BOX. 

Containing  Rouge,  Pearl  Powder,  Whiting,  Mongolian,  Ruddy  Rouge,  Violet  Powder 
x  and  Puff,  Chrome,  Blue,  Burnt  Cork,  Pencils  for  the  eyelids,  Spirit  Gum,  India  Ink, 
mel  Hair  Brushes,  Hare's  Foot,  Wool,  Craped  Hair,  Cold  Cream,  Joining  Paste,  Min- 
jre  Puffs,  Scissors  and  Looking  Glass  ;  packed  neatly  in  Strong  Fancy  Card-board 
xes,  $4  00  ;  F.legant  Tin  Cases,  $5.00 

HE  -ABOVE  ARTICLES  TO  BE  HAD  SEPARATELY  Fsr  Prices,  see  Catologoa 


FRENCH’S  STANDARD  DRAMA 

Price  15  Cents  each.— Bound  Volumes  $1.25. 


VOL.  I. 

1  Ion 

2  Fazio 

3  The  Lady  of  Lyons 

4  Richelieu 
6  The  Wife 

6  The  Honeymoon 

7  The  School  for  Scandal 

8  Money 

VOL.  II. 

9  The  Stranger 

10  Grandfather  Whitehead 

11  Richard  III 

12  Love’s  Sacrifice 

13  The  Gamester 

14  A  Cure  for  the  Heartache 

15  The  Hunchback 

16  Don  Caesar  de  Bazan 

VOL.  III. 

17  The  Poor  Gentleman 

18  Hamlet 

19  Charles  II 

20  Venice  Preserved 

21  Pizarro 

22  The  Love  Chase 

23  Othello 

24  Lend  me  Five  Shillings 

VOL.  IV. 

25  Virginius 

26  King  of  the  Commons 
21  London  Assurance 

28  The  Rent  Day 

29  Two  Gentlemen  ofVerona 

30  The  Jealous  Wife 

31  The  Rivals 

32  Perfection 

VOL.  V.  [Debts 

33  A  New  Way  to  Pay  Old 
84  Look  Before  You  Leap 

35  King  John 
86  Nervous  Man 

37  Damon  and  Pythias 

38  Clandestine  Marriage 

39  William  Tell 

40  Day  after  the  Wedding 

VOL.  VI. 

41  Speed  the  Plough 

42  Romeo  and  Juliet 

43  Feudal  Times 

44  Charles  the  Twelfth 

45  The  Bride 

46  The  Follies  of  a  Night 

47  Iron  Chest  [Fair  Lady 

48  Faint  Heart  Never  Won 

VOL.  VII. 

49  Road  to  Ruin 

50  Macbeth 

51  Temper 

52  Evadne 

53  Bertram 

54  The  Duenna 

55  Much  Ado  About  Nothing 
66  The  Critic 

VOL.  VIII. 

57  The  Apostate 

58  Twelfth  Night 

59  Brutus 

60  Simpson  &  Co 

61  Merchant  of  Venice 

62  Old  Heads& Young  Hearts 

63  Mountaineers  [riage 

64  Three  Weeks  after  Mar- 

VOL.  IX. 

65  Love 

66  As  You  Like  It 

67  The  Elder  Brother 

68  Werner 

69  Gisippus 

70  Town  and  Country 

71  King  Lear 

72  Blue  Devils 

VOL.  X. 

73  Henry  VIII 

74  Married  and  Single 

75  Henrv  IV 

76  Paul  Pry 

77  Guy  Mannering 

78  Sweethearts  and  W  ives 

79  Serious  Family 

80  Sne  Stoops  to  Conquer 


VOL.  XI. 

81  Julius  Ca:sar 

82  Vicar  of  Wakefield 

83  Leap  Year 

84  The  Catspaw 

85  The  Passing  Cloud 

86  Drunkard 

87  Rob  Roy 

88  George  Barnwell 

VOL.  XII. 

89  Ingomar 

90  Sketches  in  India 

91  Two  Friends 
9V  Jane  Shore 

93  Corsican  Brothers 

94  Mind  your  own  Business 

95  Writing  on  the  Wall 

96  Heir  at  Law 

VOL.  XIII. 

97  Soldier’s  Daughter 
9s  Douglas 

99  Marco  Spada 

100  Nature’s  Nobleman 

101  Sardanapalus 

102  Civilization 

103  The  Robbers 

104  Katharine  and  Petruchio 

VOL.  XIV. 

105  Game  of  Love 

106  Midsummer  Night’s 

107  Ernestine  [Dream 

108  Rag  Picker  of  Paris 

109  Flying  Dutchman 

110  Hypocrite 

111  Therese 

112  La  Tour  de  Nesle 

VOL.  XV. 

113  Ireland  As  It  Is 

114  Sea  of  Ice 

115  Seven  Clerks 

116  Game  of  Life 

117  Forty  Thieves 

118  Bryan  Boroihme 

119  Romance  and  Reality 

120  Ugolino 
V_L.  XVI. 

121  The  Tempest 

122  The  Pilot 

123  Carpenter  of  Rouen 
1  4  King’s  Rival 

125  Little  Treasure 

126  Dombey  and  Son 

12"  Parents  and  Guardians 
lid  Jewess 

VOL.  XVII. 

129  Camille 

130  Married  Life 

131  Wen  lock  of  Wenlock 

132  Rose  of  Ettrickvale 

133  David  Copperfield 

134  Aline,  or  the  Rose  of 

135  Pauline  [Killarney 

136  Jane  Eyre 

VOL.  XVIII. 

137  Night  and  Morning 

138  Aithiop 

139  Three  Guardsmen 

140  Tom  Cringle 

141  Henriette,  the  Forsaken 

142  Eustache  Baudin 

143  Ernest  Maltravera 

144  Bold  Dragoons 

VOL.  XIX. 

145  Dred,  or  the  Dismal 

[Swamp 

146  Last  Days  of  Pompeii 

147  Esmeralda 

148  Peter  Wilkins 

149  Ben  the  Boatswain 

150  Jonathan  Bradford 

151  Retribution 

152  Minerali 

VOL.  XX. 

153  French  Spy 

154  Wept  of  Wish-ton  Wish 

155  Evil  Genius 

156  Ben  Bolt 

167  Sailor  of  France 

158  Red  Mask 

159  Life  of  an  Actress 

160  Wedding  Day 


VOL.  XXL 

161  All’s  Fair  in  Love 

162  Hofer 

163  Self 

164  Cinderella 

165  Phantom 

166  Franklin  [Moscow 

167  The  G  unmaker  of 

168  The  Love  of  a  Prince 

VOL.  XXII. 

169  Son  of  the  Night 

170  Rory  O’More 

171  Golden  Eagle 
’72  Rienzi 

173  Broken  Sword 

174  Rip  Van  Winkle 

175  Isabelle 

176  Heart  of  Mid  Lothian 

VOL.  XXIII. 

177  Actress  of  Padua 

178  Floating  Beacon 

179  Bride  of  Lammermoor 

180  Cataract  of  the  Ganges 

181  Robber  of  the  Rhine 

182  School  of  Reform 

183  Wandering  Boys 

184  Mazeppa 

VOL.  XXIV. 

185  Young  New  York 

186  The  Victims 

187  Romance  after  Marriage 

188  Brigand 

189  Poor  of  New  York 

190  Ambrose  Gwinett 

191  Raymond  and  Agnes 

192  Gambler’s  Fate 

VOL.  XXV. 

193  Father  and  Son 

194  Mnssauiello 

195  Sixteen  String  Jack 

196  Youthful  Queen 

197  Skeleton  Witness 

198  Innkeeper  of  Abbeville 

199  Miller  and  his  Men 

200  Aladdin 

VOL.  XXVI. 

201  Adrienne  the  Actress 

202  Undine 

203  Jesse  Brown 

204  Asmodeus 

205  Mormons 

206  Blanche  of  Brandywine 

207  Viola 

208  Deseret  Deserted 
VOL.  XXVII. 

209  Americans  in  Paris 

210  Victorine 

211  Wizard  of  the  Wave 

21 2  Castle  Spectre 

213  Horse-shoe  Robinson 
2K  Armand,  Mrs.  Mowatt 
21  Fashion,  Mrs.  Mowatt 

216  Glance  at  New  York 
VOL.  XXVIII. 

217  Inconstant 

218  Uncle  Tom’s  Cabin 

219  Guide  to  the  Stage 

220  Veteran 

221  Miller  of  New  Jersey 

222  Dark  Hour  before  Dawn 

223  Midsum’rNight’sDream 
[Laura  Keene’s  Edition 

224  Art  and  Artifice 
VOL.  XXIX. 

225  Poor  Young  Man 

226  Ossawattomie  Brown 

227  Pope  of  Rome 

228  Oliver  Twist 

229  Pauvrette 

230  Man  in  the  Iron  Mask 

231  Knight  of  Arva 

232  Moll  Pitcher 
VOL.  XXX. 

233  Black  Eyed  Susan 

234  Satan  in  Paris 

235  Rosina  Meadows  [ess 

236  West  End,  or  Irish  Heir- 

237  Six  Degrees  of  Crime 

238  The  Lady  and  the  Devil 

239  Avenger,  or  Moor  of  Sici- 

240  Masks  and  Faces  [ly 


{French' s  Standard  Drama  Continued  on  %dpage  of  Cover.) 


VOL.  XXXI. 

241  Merry  Wives  of  Wi: 

242  Mary’s  Birthday 

243  Shandy  Maguire 

244  Wild  Oats 

245  Michael  Erie 

246  Idiot  Witness 

247  Willow  Copse 

248  People’s  Lawyer 

VOL.  XXXII. 

249  The  Boy  Martyrs 

250  Lucretia  Borgia 

251  Surgeon  of  Paris 

252  Patrician’s  Daughte 

253  Shoemaker  of  Toul 

254  Momentous  Questioi 

255  Love  and  Loyalty 

256  Robber’s  Wife 
VOL.  XXXIII. 

257  Dumb  Girl  of  Genoa 
2o8  Wreck  Ashore 

259  Clari 

260  Rural  Felicity 

261  Wallace 

262  Madelaine 

263  The  Fireman 

264  Grist  to  the  Mill 

VOL.  XXXIV. 

265  Two  Loves  and  a  Li 

266  Annie  Blake 

267  Steward 

268  Captain  Kyd 

269  Nick  of  the  Woods 

270  Marble  Heart 

271  Second  Love 

272  Dream  at  Sea 

VOL.  XXXV. 

273  Breach  of  Promise 

274  Review 

275  Lady  of  the  Lake 

276  Still  Water  Runs  D< 

277  The  Scholar 

278  Helping  Hands 

279  Faust  and  Margueril 

280  Last  Man 

VOL.  XXXVT. 

281  Belle’s  Stratagem 

282  Old  and  Young 

283  Raffaella 

284  Ruth  Oakley 

285  British  Sir  ve 
2»6  A  Life’s  Ransom 
287  Giralda 
28;>  Time  Tries  All 

VOL.  XXXVII. 

289  Ella  Rosenburg 

290  W arlock  of  the  Glen 

291  Zelina 

292  Beatrice 

293  Neighbor  Jack  wood 

294  Wonder 

295  Robert  Emmet 

296  Green  Bushes 
VOL.  XXXVIII. 

297  Flowers  of  the  Fores' 

298  A  Bachelor  of  Arts 

299  The  Midnight  Banqu 

300  Husband  of  in  Hour 

301  Love’s  Labor  Lost 

302  Naiad  Queen 

303  Caprice 

304  Cradle  of  Liberty 
VOL.  XXXIX. 

305  The  Lost  Ship 

306  Country  Squire 

307  Fraud  and  its  Victim 

308  Putnam 

309  King  and  Deserter 

310  La  F.ammina 

311  A  Hard  Struggle 

312  Gwinnette  Vaughan 
VOL.  XL. 

313  The  Love  Knot  [Jc 

314  Lavater,  or  Not  a 

315  The  Noble  Heart 

316  Coriolanus 

317  The  Winter’s  Tale 

318  Eveleen  Wilson 

319  Iranhoe 

320  Jonathan  in  England 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street,  New  York  City. 

New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


A  BURLETTA, 


IlST  ONE  C  T  - 


BY 


/ 


DION  BOURCICAULT,  Esquire, 


AUTHOR  OF 


London  Assurance — Victor  and  Hortense — Alma  Mater — The  Phantom— ■ 
The  Young  Actress — Andy  Blake — Li  fe  of  an  Actress — Blue  Belle — 
Chamelion —  Willow  Copse —  Old  Heads  and  Young  Hearts — 

Irish  Heiress — Genevieve — Louis  the  1  Ith — Janet  Pride — 

The  Fox  Chase — The  Queen  of  Spades — Etc. 


WITH  ORIGINAL  CASTS,  COSTUMES,  AND  THE  WHOLE  OF  THE  STAGE 
BUSINESS,  CORRECTLY  MARKED  AND  ARRANGED,  BY 
MR.  J.  B.  WRIGHT,  ASSISTANT  MANAGER 
OF  THE  BOSTON  THEATRE. 


New  York 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 


PUBLISHER 


London 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  Ltd. 
26  Southampton  Street, 
STRAND 


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A  LOVER  BY 


PROXY. 


SCENE  I. —  Chambers  in  the  Templet,  g. — c.  d.  practical ,  backed  by  plain, 
chamber — set  door  2.  e.  l.  h. — the  room  is  in  great  confusion ,  4  chairs 
overturned — supper  table  on  R.  c .,  with  its  cloth  awry ,  strewn  with  the 
remains  of  the  previous  night's  repast — ruins  of  lobsters ,  fowls ,  empty 
champagne  bottles ,  <j'c.  <^c. — law  books — a  law  almanack ,  iJ'C.,  against  the 
walls — cabinet  l.  f.  door  practical,  in  it,  decantors  and  glasses — bell  pull# 
on  R.  &  l.  ls£  wing — window  in  flat,  R.  h. — sofa  on  l.  h. 

Enter  Nibbs, — door ,  2.  e.  l.  h.  with  a  tray  containing  breakfast. 

Nib.  [ Looking  round. J  My  master  bad  a  few  friends  last  night- 
all  young  barristers,  like  himself.  As  yesterday  was  the  fifth  anni¬ 
versary  of  his  first  and  only  brief,  they  assembled  to  commemorate 
the  day — they  drank  enough  punch  to  float  the  bench  of  judges,  and 
smoked  more  cigars  than  all  they  will  ever  make  by  the  law  will  pay 
for.  [  Lays  the  breakfast,  puts  the  chairs  in  their  places,  and  the  fragments 
of  lobsters  on  the  tray — bell  rings ,  c.  n  l.  h.J  Ay.  there  goes  his  bell 
—  here  is  half-past  twelve  o’clock — I  wish  master  would  get  a  house¬ 
maid, — why  here  am  I  at  six  pounds  a  year — his  cook — his  valet — 
his  errand  boy — his  clerk — his  barber — his  tiger — his  slave— his — 
Blush.  [Putting  his  head  out  of  his  bed-room  door,  in  flat  c.  with  his 
nightcap  on.]  Nibbs! 

Nib  Sir. 

Blu.  Some  soda  water. 

Nib.  ’Tis  on  your  dressing  table,  sir. 

Blu.  Nibbs,  who  has  been  at  my  razors  ? 

Nib.  Mr.  Lawless,  he  cut  open  the  champagne  Corks  with  them 
last  nightr 
Blu.  Nibbs  ? 

Nib.  Sir. 

Blu.  Nothing. 

Nib.  Very  well,  sir. 

[Blush  takes  his  head  ini] 

[Sqhib  is  heard  to  whistle  “ Jolly  nose,”  without,  l.  h.  1.  e.  Oh, 
here  comes  Mr.  Squib.  Mr.  Lawless’s  tiger — ah,  a  fine  place  he  has 
of  it— nothing  to  do,  and  lots  of  time  to  do  it  in.j 
(.4  knock  is  heard  at  door  l.  h.  1.  e.) 

Come  in. 

Squ.  [ Popping  in  his  head  l.  h.  1.  e.”| — sings  “.Tolly  Nose!”  [Enters 
d.  l.  h.  2.  e.J  Hollo  !  my  Nibbs — vere’s  jour  guv’nor. 

Nib.  He  will  be  here  directly. 

Squ  So  will  mine — I’ve  just  stepped  across  from  Pump  Court  to 
Inner  Temple,  to  say  so.  How  wery  tired  I  am. 

Nib.  Can  I  offer  you  anything  ? 


4 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


9 

Squ.  Thank’ye  I  will — I’ve  had  nothing  this  morning,  so  I  just 
want  to  take  the  taste  out  of  my  mouth. 

Nib.  [  Opening  cabinet  door  l.  h.  flat,  and  drawing  out  a  decanter , 
brings  down  two  glasses,  a  liqueur  glass  and  a  large  one.]  I’m  very  sorry, 
but  I  can’t  find  but  one  liqueur  glass  in  the  room  ;  as  you  are  a  stran¬ 
ger  I  relinquish  that  to  you. 

Squ.  Oh,  I  ain’t  proud — I’ll  take  the  big  un  (pouring  out  a  glass- 
full)  here’s  luck  !  (drinks)  urn  !  (smacking  his  lips.)  Tidy,  werry  ti¬ 
dy. 

Nib.  Master’s  very  best. 

Squ.  Do  you  know,  my  Nibbs,  that  I  mi  st  really  disci arge  my 
master  ? 

Nib.  Nonsenee,  what  for  ? 

Squ.  Low ’abbits — (drinks)  shockin  low,  wutgar— sir.  Why.  for 
the  last  month,  he  has  kept  me  a  running  round  the  town  in  pursuit 
of  what  do  you  think — why  a  brown  satin  shoe. 

Nib.  What  for  ? 

Spu.  He’s  a  ravin’  about  it  all  day  Tong,  sir  ;  he  caught  sight  of 
one  getting  into  a  four-wheeled  chay,  vesterday—  so  oif  I  was  started 
for  a  three-mile  heat,  to  keep  up  with  a  nineteen  hand  raw-toned 

screw  !  ’Taint  to  be  borne,  my  Nibbs — ’taint  to  be- - 

Enter  Blushington.  c.  d. 

Nib.  Hush  !  (l.  h.  Hides  decanter  and  glass  behind  him ,  then  backs 

up  to  cabinet  and  replaces  them) 

Squ.  [.Tumping  up.')  Morning,  sir  !  \  Hiding  his  glass  in  his  pocket.'] 

Just  step  in  to  say  mv  master,  Mr.  Lawless,  will  he  here  directly. 

Blu  [c  ]  Vgrv  well.  Nibbs,  pick  out  that  odd  volume  of  Knox 
on  the  Soul,  and  direct  it  for  Miss  Bromley. 

Nib.  ’Shall  be  done  sir.  [A  loud  knock  heard  L.  h.  1.  E.] 

Squ.  fR.  h.]  There’s  my  master. 

Blu.  Has  he  breakfasted  ?  [Another  loud  knock,  i  h.  1.  e.] 

Squ.  Don’t  stop  Nibbs  or  he’ll  have  the  knocker  panel  in  soon. 

...  .  {A  louder  knock  L.  H.  1.  e.) 

Blu.  Why  don’t  you  go? 

Nib.  T  can’t  fiind  the  odd  volume  of  Knox  on  the  soul. 

Squ.  You  will  find  an  odd  volume  of  knocks  on  the  head  down 
Stairs  if  you  are  not  quick  .  ( A  very  loud  knock,  L.  h.  1  e.)  I’ll  be  off 
myself.  Frit,  d.  l.  h.  2  e. 

Blu.  Pray  make  more  haste,  d’ye  hear  me,  Nibbs  ! 

Nib.  I’m  going,  sir. 

[He  is  going  out  d.  l.  h.  2  e.  with  the  books  and  tray  when  Harry  I  aw* 
less  rushes  in,  knocks  him  down,  jumps  over  him  to  Blushing.) 

Enter  Squib,  d.  l.  h.  2  e,  who  helps  Nibbs  to  pick  up  the  things. 

Law.  Peter,  my  boy  how  are  you,  will  you  do  me  a  favour? 

Blu.  Certainly. 

Squ.  ( to  Nibbs.)  Look  out. 

Law.  Just  let  me  kick  that  chap  of  yours  out  of  the  window. — 

( Nibbs  rushes  out.  d.  l.  h.  2  e,)  Oh  !  he’s  off — lucky  for  him — you 
spoil  him.  Peter, 

Blu.  But  if  he  would  not  go  faster — 

Law.  Let  me  have  him  for  a  week  ;  I’d  give  him  a  new  motive 


A  LOVERS  BY  PROXY. 


5 


power — the  rascal  looks  as  if  he  lived  on  cane-bottom  chairs  and 
soporifics.  Observe,  Squib,  there’s  a  picture — what  a  face — like  a 
second  hand  anvil,  you  might  peg  away  at  it  for  half  an  hour  and 
only  split  your  knuckles — small  eye — black  habit — long  chin — sharp 
nature  !  Mouth,  minus  two  teeth — (spars) — fancy  !  Legs,  a  pair  of 
parenthesis — no,  infernal  ramrod  stuck  in  a  brick.  Then,  his  body 
balanced  on  the  top  like  a  stick  of  sealing  wax  on  a  carefully  selec¬ 
ted  merry-thought. 

Blu.  I  appreciate  all  his  good  qualities. 

Liw.  You  don’t— you  can’t  :  I  can’t — how  can  you? 

(Enter  Nibbs  with  the  urn ,  very  fearfully ,  d.  l.  h.  2  e.) 

In  fact  nobody  can  for  even — (Sees  Nibbs  and  jumps  over  chair  at  him 
Nibbs  puts  down  the  urn  and  rushes  off  d.  l.  h.  2  e.)  No  matter,  you’ll 
keep  —Squib,  urn  to  table  ;  (Squib  puts  it  on  very  briskly.)  Breakfast. 
Squib  lays  it.)  Paper.  (Squib  throws  it  to  him ,  Lawless  catches  it.)  Hat 
and  whip.  (Squib  catches  them ,  to  Blushington)  Anything  else? 

B'u.  ( With  astonishment)  No. 

Liw.  Vanish  !  (He  throws  the  gloves  at  Squib,  who  catches  then  in 
ihe  hit ,  salutes,  and  exit  l.  h.  1  e.) 

Blu.  Ha,  ha !  ’pon  my  honor,  Harry,  you  are  an  odd  fellow. 

Law.  Not  at  all,  my  boy  ;  but  as  the  chap  in  the  comedy  says, 
“  I  like  to  push  along  and  keep  moving/’ 

B’u.  How  do  you  manage  to  drill  your  fellows  so  well  ? 

L  iw.  Have  you  breakfasted  ? 

Blu.  Why  ? 

Law.  No,  you  havn’t.  I  have.  Sit  down  (they  sit)  you  eat,  I’ll 
talk  —save  time.  Now  listen  to  my  system.  He’s  up  at  six  ;  always 
exercise  horses,  &e.,  till  ten — he’s  my  valet  till  twelve  ;  then  if  it 
be  very  hot  weather  he  gets  into  double-wadded  horse  clothes,  and 
runs  races  to  keep  himself  under  jockey  weight,  I’d  discharge  any 
scoundrel  that  had  the  impertinence  to  get  above  eight  stone  ten. — 
At  four,  run  about  town — Tattersal’s  May  Fair — Lady  B.’s.  At  six 
in  the  ring^nod,  smile.  Who  is  ske  ?  White  bonnet — new — just 
come  oat— pretty — good-bye  ;  dinner  at  Dicks  ;  Opera  at  ten  ;  Ru- 
bini  melody.  Grisi,  Ravissante,  three  balls,  and  a  rout  at  twelve. 
Harry  Lawless’  trap  stops  the  way  ;  supper  at  two  ;  finish  at  three 
— bed  at  four;  God  know’s  where,  I’m  not  particular,  anywhere 
from  Bow  Street  to  Burton  Crescent,  ha,  ha!  and  there’s  the  jour¬ 
nal  of  your  modern  blood.  But  what’s  in  the  Post  this  morning  ? 

Blu.  [Aside. J  By-the-bye,  I  think  Lawless  might  be  able  to  give 
me  some  useful  advice  in  my  matrimonial  hopes. 

Law.  (Heads.)  Unparalled  montrosity. 

Blu.  Harry,  I’ve  something  particular  to  tell  you. 

Law.  (Jm,  urn, — that’s  a  lie.  I’m  listening— fire  away  old  chap. 

Blu.  Put  down  the  paper  then. 

Law.  There — there;  now.  [Lays  down  the  Post. 

Blu.  To  begin  then. 

Law.  Commence  in  the  middle  and  I’ll  imagine  the  beginning. 
What  is  it  about  ? 

Blu.  My  marriage. 

Law.  Give  me  the  paper  again. 


6 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


Blu.  Nonsense. 

Law.  You  are  right — it  is — humbug — 1  always  said  so. 

Blu.  Now,  Harry,  is  this  friendly  of  you;  is  it  kind? 

Law.  Ali,  you  villain,  you  know  my  tender  points  and  play  upon 
the  weakness  of  my  character.  Go  on. 

Blu.  Well,  to  begin  then. 

Law.  No,  damn  ic,  fair  play,  you  began  before. 

Blu.  You  are  aware  that  for  the  last  three  years  I  have  been  de¬ 
votedly  attached  to  .Miss  Bromley. 

Law.  Aw — aw.  ( Yawning )  Yes,  yes  ! 

Blu.  In  every  week  during  that  time  I  have  determined  to  pro¬ 
pose,  but— but  the  nervous  susceptibility — the  bashful  feeling  which 
besets  mein  the  society  of  ladies,  has  prevented  me  from  overcoming 
to  the  point. 

Ljuw.  Look  at  me,  that’s  my  failing — modesty  ! 

Blu.  Well,  sir,  this  lady — my  Harriet,  the  loveliest- — 

Laic.  Aw — aw — 

Blu.  Most  bewitching. 

Laic.  Kick  me  when  that’s  over,  second  hand  raptures  always 
make  me  sleepy  ;  or  just  tell  me  what  1  can  do  for  you — do  you 
want  me  to  make  love  by  proxy. 

Blu.  I  should  be  very  sorry. 

Law.  I’ll  propose  for  you,  if  you  like? 

Blu.  Not  for  the  world. 

Law.  It  would  be  splendid  fun, — does  she  love  you  ? 

Blu  I  think  so. 

Law.  Think  so  !  man  alive,  did  you  never  ask  her? 

Blu.  Good  Heavens  !  no. 

Ljuw.  Never  kissed  her  ; 

Blu.  Kissed  Miss  Bromely  !  what  for  ? 

Imic.  That’s  the  way  1  make  love  when  I’m  too  modest  to  speak — 
and  do  you  know  that  I  find  it  economizes  time,  and  heightens  the 
amusement. 

Blu.  I’m  thunderstruck. 

Law.  Try  it — take  my  advice. 

Blu.  She  would  annihilate  me  with  a  look 

Law.  Oh  no,  she  would’nt. 

L'u.  Whit  would  she  say  ? 

Law.  Look,  here’s  the  prescription  in  the  case  of  lady’s  heart 
ache  ;  let  a  coat  sleeve  be  put  gently  round  the  part  affected,  always 
taking  care  there’s  an  arm  in  it,  steal  -a  glance  up  at  the  eyes  which 
you  will  find  looking  down  at  the  lips,  take  possession  of  the  latter. 

Blu.  If  she  frowns  ? 

Law,  Bear  it  like  a  martyr. 

Blu.  If  she  storms? 

Law.  Only  to  make  you  clasp  the  tighter. 

Blu.  Tf  she  screams  ? 

Law.  Kiss  away  and  be  hanged  to  ye,  it’s  your  only  chance. 

Blu.  Were  she  to  weep. 

Law.  Ah,  there  you  touch  me  ;  T’m  sugar  and  salt  against  a  wo¬ 
man’s  tears — it’s  quite  cowardly  of  them  to  take  to  the  water — that’s 


A  LOVER  BY  FROXY. 


7 


a  navigation  that  puzzles  the  fleet — poison  to  your  hopes,  unless  she 
should  use  a  parenthesis,  thus — “  Ah,  for  heavens  sake,  if  my  Mother 
should  come  in” — ha  !  mark  that — all  your  chance  packed  up  in  a 
word  directed,  if, 

Blu.  Pm  afraid  your  expedient  would  be  a  tonic  too  strong  for  the 
present  state  of  my  amatory  constitution — a  milder  course. 

Law.  I  have  you  !  the  insinuating  creep,  the — the  eh  ? 

Blu.  Exactly — that’s  it. 

Law.  How  far  have  you  gone  already? 

Blu.  ( eagerly )  I  have  constantly  waited  on  her. 

Law.  Ah,  troublesome. 

Blu.  Opera  and  ball. 

Law.  Ah,  annoying. 

Blu.  Admired  her  drawings,  died  in  ecstacy  at  her  music. 

Ijaw.  Wrong,  all  wrong. 

Blu.  Would  you  not  be  unremitting  in  your  attentions  ? 

Law.  No,,  too  much  of  a  good  thing  palls  on  the  palate,  a  spice  of 
jelousy,  a  little  condiment  in  the  way  of  quarrel  diversifies  pleasantly 
— your  system  is  erroneous  and  from  its  very  postulates — name  your 
first. 

Blu.  Let  it  be  granted,  that  to  win  a  woman’s  heart,  you  should 
minutely  discover  every  acquirement  and  talent  she  has  got,  and  di¬ 
late  on  them. 

Law.  Humbug!  I  wouldn’t  take  the  trouble. 

Blu.  No ! 

Law.  No  ! — praise  her  for  acquirements  she  hasn’t  got,  and  take 
my  word  for  it,  she’ll  be  the  more  gratified  at  your  perception,  and 
pleased  to  find  herself  more  talented  than  she  was  aware  of. 

Blu.  You  seem  to  understand  the  metaphysics  of  the  tender  pas¬ 
sion. 

L iw.  To  be  candid  with  you,  Pm  in  love  myself. 

Blu.  For  the  hundreth  time. 

Law.  This  Ts  a  bonafide  affection  ;  fact  is,  that  one  day  about  a 
month  ago,  while  I  was  walkiug  down  Regent-street,  I  saw  a  car¬ 
riage  draw  up  at  Catch  pole  —door  opens  and  out  comes  such  a  foot  and 
ancle  Peter,  it  was  an  eloquent  foot  and  ancle — I  wanted  no  more, 
but  followed  them  into  the  shop,  bought  somethings  I  did  not  want, 
and  forgot  to  take  my  change,  while  looking  at  the  face;  I  stuck  to 
her  all  that  day  like  a  bailiff,  but  missed  her  at  last,  and  my  heart 
too — I’ve  seen  her  frequently  since,  and  do  you  know,  it  strikes  me 
she  is  a  wicked  little  devil  and  sees  how  I  am  tormented,  but  how¬ 
ever  to  return  to  your  flame. 

Blu.  Exactly. 

Law.  Fortunate,  to  be  able  to  warm  yourself  at  a  steady  fire  ; 
mine  is  a  Will  o’  th’  Wisp  leading  me  to  the  devil. 

Blu.  I  expect  Mr.  Bromly  here  every  moment —  I  shall  visit  Rich¬ 
mond  Villa  shortly,  and  the  first  opportunity  I  have  with  Harriet, 
I’ll  take  advantage  of  your  advice. 

Law.  Thank  ye’,  in  the  mean  time  I’ll  take  advantage  of  a  glass 
of  your  Madeira.  t 

Blu.  Certainly  ( calling )  Nibbs. 


8 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


Law.  Peter,  Pll  give  you  thirty  seconds  law,  and  hold  you  two  to 
one  Squib  is  here  first. 

Blu.  Done. — Ponies? 

Law.  Done ! 

Blu.  ( Runs  to  the  bell ,  R.  h.  1s£  wing,  rings  it  violently,  and  pulls  it 
down — runs  to  the  other,  l.  h.  Is/!  wing,  and  rings  it  till  Nibbs  is  on)  Here, 
Nibbs  !  Nibbs  !  Nibbl  ! 

Law.  5,  10,  20,  28,  30,  35,  Squib!  ( runs  to  the  window  R.  h.  f. 
Squib  !  here  they  come !  ( Enter  Nibbs  very  slowly  d.  l.  h.  2.  e.  Squib 
rushes  in,  d.  l.  h.  1.  E.  vaults  over  him  and  salutes ) 

Law.  I’ll  thank  you  for  a  cool  fifty. 

Blu.  ( shaking  Nibbs)  You  confounded  rascal,  why  did  you  not  come 
faster? 

Nib.  I  was  letting  in  Mr.  Bromely. 

(Blushington  taking  a  pillow  from  the  sofa  (l.  h.)  Nibbs — runs  out  (l. 

h.  1.  e.)  Blusiilngton  swings  the  pillow  round  at  him,  Mr.  Bromley 

enters  (d.  l.  ii.  2.  e.  )  it  hits  him  on  the  head.) 

Blu.  My  dear  sir,  I  beg  your  pardon,  did  I  hurt  you  ? 

Mr.  B.  Pooh  !  never  mind  I’ll  give  it  him  some  other  time  ;  but 
you  are  engaged. 

Blu.  Harry ;  Mr.  Bromley,  permit  me,  this  is  my  excellent  friend 
Harry  Lawless — Mr.  Bromley — Mr.  Lawless. 

Law.  And  your  most  obedient.  ( crosses  to  c. — aside )  your  lady’s 
governor. 

Blu.  (Aside)  Exactly 

Law.  Although  quite  unacquainted  ’till  now,  except  by  proxy, 
with  your  amiable  family,  might  I  ask  how  is  your  lovely  daughter  ? 

Blu.  (Aside)  He  has  two. 

Law.  (Aside)  Hold  your  tongue. 

Mr.  B.  My  daughters  are  well  sir,  and  will  feel  honored  by  your 
compliments. — I  have  two  sir. 

Law.  Of  course  but  how  could  I  couple  such  gems,  the  lovely. 

Blu.  (Aside)  Harry. 

Law.  (Aside  and  kicking  at  him)  Keep  quiet — the  lovely  and  ami¬ 
able  a — a — 

Blu.  (Aside)  Kate. 

Law.  Kate  your  elder  daughter. 

Blu.  (Aside)  Younger. 

Law.  who  would  have  been  had  she  not  been  preceded  by  the  two 
bewitching — a — 

Blu.  (Aside)  Harriet. 

Law.  Harriet,  (indignantly)  yes,  Harriet- 
— here’s  my  friend  Peter  dilating  on  the — 

Blu.  (Aside)  What  are  you  about  ? 

Law.  The  angelic. 

Squib,  some  glasses. 

And  sparkling  excellent  qualities. 

Make  haste. 

Of  your  Champagne — I — 

(Aside)  I  breathe  again. 

Hollo!  what’s  Ihe  matter  with  Peter? 


-I  said  Harriet  didn,t  I 


Blu. 

Law. 

Blu. 

Law. 

Blu. 

Law. 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


9 


(Squib  brings  down  a  salver  and  two  glasses.) 

Blu.  Another  glass. 

Squ.  Only  two  in  the  room,  sir. 

Blu.  Nibbs  !  ( Enter  Nibbs,  d.  l.  h.  2  e.)  another  glass. 

(Exit  Nibbs,  n.  l.  h.  2  e. 

Law  Pll  take  you  double  or  quits  on  the  last  bet  Squib  has  one 
first. 

Blu.  Done  ! 

Law.  Done ! 

Squib  takes  out  the  large  wine  glass  which  he  had  put  in  his  pocket ,  wipes 
it  withhis  coat  tail ,  fills  it  and  gives  it  to  Blushington.) 

Blu.  Well,  counfound  me,  if  that  doesn’t  beat  cock-fighting. 

Enter  Nibbs,  d.  l  h.  2  e. 

Nib.  Did  you  say  another  glass? 

Law.  Get  out !  ( runs  after  Nibbs  to  the  door  l.  h.  2  e.,  throwing 

part  of  a  glass  of  wine  at  him.) 

Nib.  I  will.  Exit.  D.  L.  H.  2  E. 

Mr.  B.  Ha!  ha!  well  Blush  Ijust  steptin  to  ask  you  to  spend 
a  week  with  us  at  my  villa  at  Richmond,  Pm  going  down  there  im¬ 
mediately  ;  will  you  accompany  me  ? 

Blu.  Nothing  could  give  me  greater  pleasure,  but  I  have  an  ap¬ 
pointment  with  my  father  in  a  couple  of  hours,  I  will  follow  by  the 
omnibus. 

Law.  (aside  —  coming  down  r.  h.)  I  must  be  one  of  the  party, 
how  shall  I  manage  it;  ah  exactly;  (aloud)  but  Blush  you  are 
engaged  to  me  this  morning. 

Blu.  (aside)  Me — 1 — 

Law.  ( aside — crosses  to  c.)  Hold  your  tongue,  (aloud)  But  however 
no  matter,  Pll  call  with  him,  he  tells  me  your  villa  is  a  charming 
place,  I  shall  be  delighted  to  give  my  opinion. 

Blu.  (aside)  Damn  that  fellows  impudence. 

Law.  I  intend  to  go  somewhere,  I  shall  feel  happy  to  give  his 
friends  the  preference. 

Mr.  B.  And  we  will  feel  delighted  to  see  you;  my  daughters  will 
be  glad  to  see  you  on  Blushington’s  account. 

Law.  Many  thanks,  all  right,  sir.  (aside)  They’ll  be  glad  to  see 
me  on  my  own  account. 

Mr.  B.  Well — we  shall  expect  you — good-bye. 

Law.  Are  you  going  ?  my  tandem  is  at  the  door,  Pll  be  happy  to 
take  you. 

Mr.  B.  What,  that  whisk  of  a  thing,  1  should  be  afraid  of  my 
neck. 

Law.  Never  fear,  if  your  neck  is  never  in  greater  danger  than 
that— stay,  Pll  hold  you  three  to  two,  sir,  Pll  run  you  down  in  forty 
minutes,  without  losing  one  inch  of  paint  or  turning  a  hair. 

Mr.  B .  Done  ! 

Law.  In  tens  ? 

Mr.  B.  Yes. 

Law.  Done ! 

Mr.  B.  You  promise  not  to  break  my  neck  ? 


10 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


Law.  Double  or  quits  I  don’t  do  that  adieu  Peter  —  come  Squib 
(Squib  opens  the  door.)  ’tis  one  minute  to  the  quarter. 

Bla #  Let  me  entreat,  Lawless. 

Law.  Push  along— yo,  ho  ! 

Blu.  Listen,  my  dear  Mr.  Bromley — ( Exeunt  Lawless  and  Brom¬ 
ley,  l.  h.  1  e.) — he  upset  me  in  Piccadilly  last  week  on  the  very  same 
bet,  but  contrived  to  pocket  the  wager — I’ll  go  and  ensure  his  life. 

(Exit,  l.  h.  1  e 


SCENE  II. — 1  g.  —  A  view  of  the  grounds  surrounding  Mr.  Bromley’s 

Villa  at  Richmond. 

Enter  Miss  Penelope  Prude,  dressed  for  walking ,  parasol,  #c.  1  e.  r.  h. 

Miss  P.  Kate,  do  you  hear,  get  down  this  instant,  I  insist,  that 
girl  will  be  the  death  of  me — there  she  is  mounted  on  a  garden  chair, 
and  peeping  over  the  wall  at  some  soldier-men  —  why  Kate,  ( enter 
Kate  Bromley,  r.  h.  1  e.  looking  off.)  Kate,  I  consider  your  flighty 
conduct  highly  improper. 

Kate,  (r.)  Law,  aunt,  I  was  only  laughing  at  those  officers  in 
that  funny  gig. 

Miss  P.  Did  you  ever  see  me  laugh  at  officers  in  a  gig  ? 

Kate.  I’m  sure  they  were  very  polite  —  one  pulled  up,  while  the 
other  took  his  hat  otf. 

Miss  P.  And  you  nodded  to  them. 

Kate.  No  I  didn’t — I  shook  my  head  at  them. 

Miss  P.  Great  attention  you  were  paying  to  my  conversation,  Miss. 

Kate.  Yes,  but  you  have  told  me  the  story  of  Captain  McSwindle 
trying  to  elope  with  you,  so  often. 

Miss  P.  Ah,  you  have  never  been  in  love. 

Kate  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon,  I  am  at  this  moment. 

Miss  P  How  highly  improper — with  whom? 

Kate.  But,  you  must  remember  that  elegant  rattling  young  fellow 
that  follows  us  about  town  so  often  ? 

Miss  P  Why  now  is  it  possible,  out  of  the  thousands  of  elegant 
young  men  who  pay  me  marked  attention  I  could  pick  one,  my  dear 
Kate — consider? 

Kate.  Oh,  no,  you  mistake — it  was  me. 

Miss  P.  You — how  highly  improper. 

Kite.  Saw  him  at  the  Jeweler’s — kept  his  eyes  fixed  on  my  face, 
when  he  was  asked  what  he  wanted,  said  “a  brown  satin  shoe  and 
tne  sweetest  ancle  in  Great  Britain.  ” 

Miss  P.  Ah,  you  have  not  learned  the  full  value  of  single  blessed¬ 
ness— you  will  never  understand  the  sweetness  of  liberty  till  you 
have  lost  it.  Go  and  read  as  I  have  done— Zimmerman  on  Solitude. 

Kate.  I’ve  not  done  Campbell’s  Pleasures  of  Hope  yet. 

(■ A  crash  is  heard  outside ,  l.  h.  i  e.,  and  shouts  of  “  slop  him  /”) 

Miss  P.  Dear  me,  what’s  that  ? 

Kate  ’Tis  papa’s  voice. 

Mis.  P  He’s  killed,  I  know  he  is. 

Kate „  Here  he  comes. 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


11 


Enter  Mr.  Bromley,  1.  e.  l.  h.  his  hat  smashed — coat  all  over  mad,  fol¬ 
lowed  by  servant. 

Mr.  B.  Escaped  by  a  miracle  — it  was  perfect  madness  to  try  to 
pass  that  wagon. 

Kite.  My  dear  papa,  are  you  hurt? 

Miss  P.  Tell  me  brother— speak,  are  you  killed— are  vou  no  more. 
Mr.  B.  No,  you  stupid  old  fool,  I’m  not. 

Miss  P.  You  are  a  brute.  ( 9oes  U1K 

Mr.  B.  There,  James,  take  those  things  away,  and  get  me  my 


dressing  gown. 

Kite.  How  did  it  happen  ? 

Kite.  Oh,  gracious  !  catch  me,  aunt. 

Miss  P.  ( Comes  down  r.)  My  love. 

Kate.  ’Tis  he — 

Miss  P.  He  !  who  ? 

Kate.  The — the  town — shadow — 

Miss  P.  How  highly  improper. 

Enter  Mr.  Lawless,  1.  e.  l.  h.  in  an  awful  state , 

Mr.  Bromley. 


much  worse  than 


Mr.  B.  Are  you  hurt  ? 

Law.  All  right — not  a  scratch — push  on. 

Mr.  B.  What  detained  you ? 

Law.  Only  stopped  to  pick  myself  up,  and  polish  off  that  inter¬ 
nal  wagoner. 

Mr.  B.  What  that  York  Hercules  ?  „  _  ,  r 

Low.  He  might  have  been,  or  a  Kent  Jupiter  for  all  1  know;  1 

gave  him  a  lecture  on  logic. 

Mr.  B.  TIow  so  ?  ,  .  ,, 

Law.  Exemplified  Locke’s  theory  that  “knowledge  is  power  - - 

extracte  l  his  eye-tooth  with  one  of  my  pet  taps. 

Mr.  B.  You  astound  me.  . 

Liw.  Hold  up  your  hands  and  I’ll  show  you— look— just  so.  (spars 


at  Bromley.) 

Mr.  B.  No,  no  !  thank  you,  I’m  quite  convinced. 

Liw.  I  astonished  his  limited  capabilities. 

E  iter  Squib,  His  hat  also  smashed  and  covered  with  mud  l.  h.  1.  a, 
with  Lawless ’  coat  very  dilapidated. 


Liw.  Horses  hurt?  ,  _  ,,  XT 

S/u.  Blueskin  touched  on  the  off  shoulder,  and  Jolly  Nose  sprung 

in  the  fetlock. 

Luo.  How’s  the  trap, 

Spa.  Axle  gone,  and  two  panels  out,  sir. 

Law.  Coat.  ( Seeing  the  ladies.)  Oh,  I  beg  pardon.  (Aside)  Who  s 
old  deadly  night  shade,  with  the  blue  parachute. 

Mr.  B.  My  sister,  sir,  Miss  Penelope  Prude. 

Law.  Oh,  I  beg  pardon— didn’t  know— (aside)— rather  curds  and 
whey  though — unclaimed  parcel  in  Hymens  coach  office,  o  e  i 


till  called  for. 

Mr.  B.  My  daughtor  Kate,  Mr.  Harry  Lawless. 
Law.  Eh  !  what !  my  little  unknown.  Ho  !  ho  . 


12 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY 


Kate .  He  .recognizes  me. 

Law.  (  Crosses  to  Kate.)  The  unexpected  pleasure  to  meet  such  com¬ 
bined  beauty — I  am  sure  I  never — did  you,  governor — no,  you  never 
— charming  spot — cottage  once  peeping  through  the  trees — old  father 
Thames  in  the  distance,  rolling  his  silver  locks  so  lazily  along,  puts 
me  in  mind  of  Eton — slap-up  place,  Eton.  Did  you  go  there — no  !  — 

oh,  I  forgot  don’t  take  girls  in — pity.  I’m  transported  —this  is - 

well  allow  me — ah — urn — 

( Offers  his  arm — Kate  and  he  go  up  conversing. 

Miss  P.  Sam,  Pm  not  too  well  pleased  with  your  new  acquaintance. 

Mr.  B.  He  is  a  friend  of  Blushington’s. 

Miss  P.  Brother,  he  may  be  a  swindler — in  fact,  he  looks  highly 
improper ;  see  how  Kate  encourages  him — he  takes  her  hand — she 
gives  him  the  other. 

Mr.  B.  Well,  in  the  mean  time  give  me  some  dinner;  that  upset 
has  made  me  monstrous  hungry. 

Miss.  P.  Kate,  do  you  hear — Kate,  I  say  ! 

Kate.  Well  aunt  ? 

Miss  P.  If  Mr.  Lawless  will  permit  you,  I  think  it  is  high  time 
to  dress  for  dinner,  and  after  that  we’ll  finish  our  game  of  cribbage. 

Law.  Allow  me  to  suggest  she’s  playing  cribbage  here  ! 

( Placing  his  hand  on  his  heart. 

Miss  P.  Come,  Kate.  ( Crosses  to  R. 

Kate.  [Aside)  Spiteful  old  wretch  !  ( Following  her. 

Miss  P.  Perhaps  you  will  give  my  niece  her  reticule  and  parasol. 

Law.  Oh,  certainly.  [Aside)  Damned  annoying ! 

Opens  the  parasol  and  manoeuvres  it  so  as  to  get  it  between  them  and  Miss 
Prude — kisses  Kvte’s  hand.  Exeunt  Kate  and  Miss  Prude,  1.  e.  r.  h. 

Law.  (l.)  ’Pon  my  life,  Bromley,  your  daughter  is  the  loveliest 
creature  I  ever  saw  ! 

Mr.  B.  She’s  a  good,  affectionate  creature  ! 

Law.  That  will  save  trouble. 

Mr.  B.  But  come,  the  dinner  must  be  ready  by  this  time  ! 

Law.  'ies,  but  the  wager — the  wager,  old  fellow!  Twenty  pounds 
— fairly  done  in  thirty-nine  minutes  and  a  quarter,  and  stopt  to  pay 
the  turnpikes  out  of  compliment  to  you :  a  thing  I  never  did  before — 
did  I,  Squib? 

Squ.  Never !  ( With  horror.) 

Mr.  B.  Yes,  but  you  upset  me ! 

Law.  I  never  said  I  wouldn’t.  Come,  fair  play  ! — I’ll  give  you 
revenge. 

Mr.  B.  How  so  ? 

Law.  I’ll  drive  you  back  again,  to-morrow,  in  forty-five  minutes 
• — there  ! 

Mr.  B.  No.  no  ! 

Law.  Can’t  I  tempt  you  ?  Ha  !  ha ! — I’ll  drive  the  horse,  and  you 
shall  post  the  pony  !  ( Exeunt ,  l.  h.  1.  e. 


A  I, OVER  BY  PROXY. 


13 


SCENE  III. — 3  &4.  a. — A  drawing-room  in  Mr.  Bromley’s  Villa — large 
lattice  doors  in  the  centre ,  opening  on  a  lawn — fireplace  with  screen  be  fore 
it,  r.  h.  2.  e.  —  sofa  on  l.  h.  —  Kate  Bromley  and  Miss  Penelope 
•  Prude  are  seated  playing  at  cribbage,  at  table  on  r.  c. — armchair  on  r. 
h. — 4  chairs  on. 

Kate.  Papa  and  Mr.  Lawless  are  a  very  long  time  over  their  wine, 
how  odd  that  he  should  find  me  out  after  all— he  to’d  me  at  dinner 
all  the  dances  1  had  led  him  about  town — ay  that’s  something  like 
love — not  like  Peter  Blushington  and  my  sister  Harriet,  who  have 
been  love-making  three  years— ha  !  ha!  fancy  a  man  coming  to  court 
in  an  omnibus — Mr.  Lawless  declares,  between  him  and  his  tiger,  in 
pursuit  of  me,  he  has  rendered  himself  eligible  for  the  Traveller’s 
Club— then,  his  wit  too— I’d  give  a  million  for  his  head  alone. 

Miss  P.  ( Marking )  And  two  for  his  heels — mind  your  game,  do. 
Kite.  Pray  aunt  how  tall  do  you  think  he  is  ? 

M'ss  P  (M irking)  Fifteen  two,  fifteen  four,  and  a  pair  is  six. 

Kite.  What  do  you  think  he  said  to  me  just  now,  he  said — 

Miss  P.  Is  it  a  go — that’s  seven — mark  your  game,  Kate. 

Kite.  He  said  with  the  softest  smile,  Miss  Bromley,  said  he - 

Miss  P.  Don’t  move  your  hindpeg  ( Kate  throws  down  her  cards)  good 
gracious  Kate,  what  are  you  about?  you  have  thrown  away  your 
hand  without  pegging  it. 

Kite.  ( Rising )  My  dear  aunt,  Pm  afraid  I’ve  thrown  away  my 
heart  without  pegging  it,  and  that  is  worse. 

Miss  P.  ( Rising )  Ah  !  my  love,  you  must  learn  more  respect  for 
the  name  you  bear,  than  to  catch  at  every  butterfly  that  flits  before 
yon. 

Kite.  Well,  now  I’ve  so  little  respect  for  my  name,  that  I  don’t 
cire  how  soon  l  change  it. 

Miss  P.  Why  dom'd  you  take  example  by  your  sister  Harriet ;  now 
she’s  &  picture  of  propriety. 

Kite.  Yes,  and  here  she  comes  in  a  sulky  frame — ha!  ha!  (Enter 
Harriet  Bromley,  1  e.  l.)  what’s  the  matter,  propriety? 

Hir.  You  may  well  ask — why  that  gentleman  whom  my  father 
brought  d)wn  to  dine,  is  an  escaped  lunatic. 

Kite.  Why  ? 

II ir.  Papa  was  called  out  to  see  Farmer  Hayfield  after  dinner, 
and  Mr.  Lawless,  taking  advantige  of  his  absence,  strolled  down  the 
avenue,  at  the  end  of  which  the  farmer  had  left  his  horse  and  gig — • 
what  do  you  think  he  did? 

Kite.  What  ? 

liar.  He  took  a  pail  of  whitewash,  and  painted  the  animal  and 
vehicle  all  one  color. 

Enter  Bromley  and  Blushington.  c„  d.  l.  h. 

II ir.  My  dear  Mr.  Blushington,  I’m  so  happy  you  have  arrived. 
Mr.  B.  Really,  Peter,  your  friend’s  jokes  are  rather  too  good. 

Blu.  But  perfectly  innocent  on  my  honor  1  m  confident  he 
would  not  introduce  discord  into  any  family,  he  so  much  respects 
(A  scream  is  heard  outside — c.  d.  r.  h. — all  move  over  l.) 

Omn.  What’s  the  matter. 

Enter  Maid  Servant  c.  d.  r.  h. 


14 


A  LOVER  RY  PROXY. 


Ser.  Oh  please  Ma’am — here’s  the  stranger  gentleman  a  kissing 
the  cook — here  he  comes  (she  runs  off  r. — they  retire  up — Enter  Harry 
Lawi.es,  (c.  n.  l.  ir.) — he  rashes  after  her  and  jumps  on  table  (R  c.) 

Law.  Hollo  !  come  here,  see  if  ever  1  kiss  you  again  that’s  all — 
what  a  devilish  well-turned  ancle  she  has  ( takes  out  a  glass  eyeing  her) 

(Miss  P.  Prude  advances  and  taps  him  on  the  foot  with  her  fan.)  Ah  ! 
old  deadly  night  shade  how  dy’e  do  [sees  the  rest  he  jumps  down — aside  j 
I’m  rather  awkwardly  situated — hem  !  I  must  brazen  it  out  [aloud] 
ha  !  ha!  foolish  girl,  1  only  just  wanted  to— ah!  hum  just — 

Kate.  Ha  !  ha !  ha  ! — oh  was  that  all  ? 

Law.  Nothing  more  on  my  honor,  its  only  a  peculiarty  I’ve  got. 

Mr.  B.  Because  we  do  not  like  to  interfere  with  any  little  diver¬ 
sion  you  may  be  pursuing. 

Kate.  Oh  no,  certainly  not,  pursue  your  little  diversion  sir,  or  she’ll 
be  out  of  sight. 

Blu.  Harry  !  Harry  ! 

Miss  P.  [ Advancing ]  Mr.  Lawless  will  have  the  kindness  to  ex¬ 
press  any  wish  he  may  have,  and  it  shall  be  gratified  without  troub¬ 
ling  himself  to  address  the  under  servants.  [ they  retire  up,  all  but 

Lawless  and  Blushington .] 

Blu.  [Aside]  Do  you  hear? 

Law.  [Aside]  I  do,  I’ll  make  her  ring  up  the  pretty  house-maid, 
I  want  a  kiss  instanter. 

Blu.  [Aside)  Harry,  for  heaven’s  sake,  keep  quiet. 

Latv.  (Aside)  Which  you  know  I  cannot  do — stay,  Peter,  I  had 
forgotten  to  tell  you,  I  have  discovered  my  unknown,  my  brown  satin 
shoe. 

Blu.  Where  ? 

Law.  In  the  lovely  daughter  of  Old  Bromley. 

Blu.  [Aside]  Should  it  be  Harriet. 

Law.  Now  you  know  I  promised  to  make  love  for  you  on  commis¬ 
sion. 

Blu.  Thank  ’ye.  But  now  you  can  make  it  for  yourself. 

Law.  I’ll  knock  them  both  oft'  at  the  same  time  then,  not  a  word, 
— which  ds  your  flame — first  come,  first  served.  I’ll  propose  for  you 
• — only  manage  to  leave  me  alone  with  her. 

Blu.  |  Aside.]  Not  for  worlds. 

Mr.  B.  [Coming  forward ,  l.  H.j  Well,  Peter,  we  are  going  to  drive 
over  to  the  rectory  this  evening,  to  see  our  new  parish  school,  will 
you  join  us  ? 

Blu.  With  pleasure. 

Mr.  B.  (  Crosses  to  c.)  And  Mr.  Lawless. 

Law.  No,  thank  you.  Governor,  I’m  not  fond  of  charity  boys. 

Miss  P.  Where,  sir,  is  your  benevolence  ?  ( Next  to  Law ,  r.  c.) 

Ijaw.  In  the  fore  part  of  the  os  frontis, —  see  Gall  and  Spurtzheim. 

Miss  P.  Ts  it  not  gratifying  to  contemplate  the  infant  generation 
blooming  into  knowledge. 

Law.  Charity  boys  bring  up  associations  of  bony-face,  goggle- 
eyes,  slit  of  the  mouth,  stubby  hair,  mince-pie-cap — sir,  I’ve  no  pe¬ 
culiarity  that  way. 

Blu.  [Aside]  To  prevent  Harry  from  carrying  out  his  threat  I’ll 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


15 


<nake  Harriet  go  with  us — what  a  fool  I  should  appear  to  her.  [aloud] 
You  accompany  us  Harriet  of  course? 

liar.  Certainly.  Excuse  me  while  I  dress  then,  I  shall  be  with 
you  in  a  moment.  Come  aunt. 

( Exit  Harriet  and  Miss  Prude,  1.  e.  r,  h. 

Blu.  Kate,  will  you  remain  and  keep  my  friend  out  of  mischief? 

Kate.  Jf  he  will  promise  strict  obedience? 

Law.  [Aside]  He  has  asked  her  to  remain,  can  it  be?  It  is — she 
is  his  love — what  a  situation  have  I  got  into  ! 

Kate.  I’ll — a — keep  him  out  of  mischief  till  you  return. 

Mr.  B.  This  way  Peter,  Harriet  will  join  us  on  the  lawn. 

[Exeunt  Blushington  and  Mr.  Bromlev  c.  d.  l.  h. 

f" Kate  goes  up. 

Law.  What’s  to  be  done  ?  Here  I  am,  left  alone  with  the  woman  I 
adore,  to  make  love  for  another  man.  Blushington  has  trusted  to  my 
honor — shall  I  betray  him?  Never! — I  will  plead  his  cause  ;  if  the 
verdict  goes  against  plaintiff,  I’ll  file  a  declaration  on  my  own  account. 
No  time  is  to  be  lost — I  must  enter  the  action  at  once.  Oh,  that  my 
first  brief  should  be  in  a  court  of  love  !  I’ll  plead  for  Peter  as  if  it 
were  for  myself — ahem — [aloud] — Miss  Bromley. 

Kate,  [  Gomes  down  l.J  Mister  Harry  Lawless. 

Law.  Ahem - 

Kate.  I  agree  with  you  perfectly. 

Law.  Ah — a — 

Kate.  Precisely. 

Law.  [Yrshfe.]  It  is  the  most  awkward  position  I  ever  felt  myself 
in.  Will  you  favor  me  with  a  few  minutes  conversation  ? 

[Lawless  places  chairs. 

Kate.  Affew  hours,  if  you  like. 

Law.  Miss — Madam — that  is — [aside] — Hang  me  if  I  can  do  it. 
[Aloud.]  I  scarcely  know  how  to  begin. 

Kate.  Take  your  time,  sir,  I'm  not  at  all  in  a  hurry. 

Law.  It  may  appear  impertinent — obtrusive — uncalled  for - 

assuming  and  personal  on  my  part  to  address  a  lady  who  may  be 
termed  in  the  cold — cant— starched — frigid  phrase  of  every  day  socie¬ 
ty  :  a  passing  acquaintance — in  the  subject  I  am  about  to  broach — 
but  should  my  disclosure  be  considered  premature  or  unnecessarily 
impertinent— ascribe  it  solely  to  the  unbridled  course — a  pure  will 
to— to — 

Kate.  (Aside.)  What  on  earth  will  this  preamble  lead  to. 

Law.  Though  you  may  consider  the  knowledge  I  have  of  you  as 
trivial,  it  is  ardently  cherished  by  me. 

Kate.  [Aside.]  Ton  my  life  I  do  believe  he  is  going  to  say  he’s 
in  love  with  me. 

Law.  You  must  be  aware  that  you  have  been  the  object  of  a  fond 
affection  for  three  years. 

Kate.  I  ! 

I  jaw.  You  ! 

Kate.  Three  years  ! 

TjUw.  Every  hour  of  them.  (Pulls  out  his  watch. 

Kate.  Why  was  I  not  made  aware  of  it? 


16 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY 


Law.  Invincible  modesty— but  have  the  various  little  devotions 
been  olfe  e  1  up  in  vain.  |  Aside.)  1  can’t  help  hoping  that  they  have. 
Let  me  see  what  comes  next.  Uh,  l  must  kneel  I  suppose. 

{  Slips  away  the  chair. 

Kate.  [Aside.]  He’s  going  down  on  his  knees! 

Liw.  [Kneels,  j  My  adored  Kate— that  is,  his  adored  Kate. 

Kite.  [Aside. J  What  ought  I  to  do— faint,  I  think. 

Law.  Oh!  it  Blushing  ton  only  knew  how  splendidly  he  is  getting 
on  here— see  what  it  is  to  have  an  eloquent  counsel—  [taking  her  hand] 
— Ah — I  must  kiss  it  I  suppose  — [~ kisses  it] — Oh  !  [kissing  it  again J — 
my  own  love — no —that  is — his  own  love. 

Kite.  Mr.  Lawless,  if  I  understand  you,  you  mean — 

Liw.  Precisely, — I  do. 

Kite.  This  su  Iden,  unexpecte  d — [  Turning  away  her  face. 

Liw.  But  not  the  less  welcome,  I  hope — may  I,  Kate?  Speak,  my 
angel  1  [  Aside. ].  I’m  at  it  again  i  [Aloud.]  believe  me,  dearest  girl, 
though  dunb  till  now  with  speechless  adoration,  ;twas  not  from 
lack  of  love ;  n>,  it  was  from  excess,  that  choked  its  utterance! 
[Seizes  her  hand.]  Let  me  thus  imprint  upon  this  lily  leaf,  the  seal  of 

[Aside. J — Damme,  I  forgot  !  I’m  making  love  on  my  own  account 
here!  Spare  him  oae  word!  [  She  sinks  into  his  arms.]  Well,  exactly; 
that  is  a  better  idea,  and  much  more  expressive* — that  speaks  a  dic¬ 
tionary. 

Kite.  An  I  too  boll? 

Liw.  Notin  the  least  my  dear.  [Aside.  I  She  is  in  my  arms,  and 
I  am  wretche  l ! 

Kite  Under  my  apparent  levity  I  hid  the  deepest  sensibilities. 

Law.  You  did,  I  know  it! 

Kite.  You  think  me  too  affectionate?  • 

Liw.  Not  a  bit  ;  give  free  course  to  your  feelings  !  [Aside. ]  She 
certainly  is  more  affectionate  than  what  I  expected.  [Aloud.)  May 
I  inform  the L  J  J 

Kt'e  l  know  what  you  mean—  yes  !  [Rises. 

Liw.  The  hippy  day  will  be - 

Kj.te  My  dear  Harry  ! - 

L  iw.  [  Aside.]  Hallo  ! — what  will  I  do  now  ? 

Kite.  You  will  always  love  me  ? 

Tiw.  [Aside. J  Whew!  the  murder’s  out !  It’s  me  she’s  in  love 
with.  .  , 

Kate.  You  are  silent. 

Law.  l  am,  dear ;  it’s  the  contending  sensibilities  aroused. 

Kite.  By  my  questions  ? 

Law.  Precisely. 

Kate.  Do  you  hesitate  ? 

{ Jlw ’  hesitate  !  I  never  hesitated  in  all  my  life— it  is  not  in  my 
nature.  What  am  I  to  do!  J 

Kate.  Don’t  you  remember  what  you  said  ? 

Jj  iw  ’Pon  my  soul  I  don’t !  What  was  it  ? 

Kate.  You  said  you  loved  me 

^ate  QhT  Wh°  dareS  ^  Say  1  d°n,t  ?  Sh°W  me  the  man’  and^ 


A  LOVER  BY  TROXY. 


17 


Law.  Eh,  dear ! 

Kate.  Pray  let  me  retire  and  compose  myself. 

Law.  I’ll  go  and  be  composed,  too. 

Kat$.  Only  for  a  few  moments.  [Aside.']  Now  I'll  go  and  have  a 
good  cry  !  [Exit.  R.  h.  1.  e. 

Law.  How  she  loves  me!  Angelic,  delightful  creature  !  But  what 
will  Blush  say  when  he  knows  it  all?  He  should  have  provided 
against  such  a  contingency.  She  couldn’t  help  it,  of  course  not !  £he’s 
susceptible  and— ahem! — discriminating  ;  it’s  her  nature  !  Well,  I’m 
I  damn  'd  insinuating ;  I  can’t  help  that,— it’s  my  peculiarity  ;  in  fact, 
we  both  can’t  help  it. 

Enter  Blushington,  c.  d.  l.  h.  and  comes  down  l.’ 

Blu.  Where  is  Harriet  ? 

Law.  I  thought  you  were  gone  to  the  charity  boys. 

Blu.  No,  the  rector  has  just  called,  as  we  were  about  to  start. 

Laiv.  [r  J  Peter! — [ solemnly j — take  a  scat.  [They  sit. 

Blu.  Well! 

Law.  Is  it  ?  You  will  think  otherwise,  presently. 

Blu.  What’s  to  do  now  ? 

Law.  Nothing — it’s  all  done! 

Blu.  Who  ? 

Law.  You  !  Now  my  dear  boy,  I  am  sure  you  will  exonerate  me 
from  any  purposed  evil  intentions  toward  you  ;  — I  was  quite  unaware 
of  the  existence  of  feelings  of  this  nature,  for  I  am  the  last  chap  in 
the  world  to  nourish - 

Blu.  What  mischief  are  you  driving  at  ? 

Law.  To  nourish  sensibilities  the  growth  of  which  could  only  be 
estimated  by  an  inverse  ratio  of  your  happiness! 

Blu.  You  are  getting  mathematical ! 

Law.  Wait,  and  you’ll  be  getting  miserable  !  I  have  proposed  for 
you. 

Blu.  The  devil  you  have  ! — you  have  lost  no  time. 

Lazv.  Yes,  but  you  have  lost  your  mistress ! 

Blu.  How  ? 

Law.  Oh,  very  easily  ;  — you  must  hedge. 

Blu.  Hedge ! 

Law.  Carefully.  She  thought  my  advocation  of  your  cause  so  ex¬ 
cellent,  that  she  nonsuited  Peter  Blushington,  the  ^laintift,  and  the 
cause  fell  into  the  arms  of  the  counsel  for  ditto  ! 

Blu.  How  ? 

Law.  Indiscriminately.  What  could  I  do  ?  You  would  not  have  me 
repel  her  adoration  ? 

Blu.  Why,  yon  don't  mean  to  say - 

Law.  Yes,  I  do  ! 

Blu  What !  that  Miss  Bromley  threw  herself  into  your  arms  ? 

Law.  So  it  struck  me. 

Blu.  What,  without  any  provocation  on  your  part  ? 

Law.  Tardon  me  ! — ( pulling  up  his  collar ,) — personal  appearance! 

Blu.  And  you,  sir — you  abetted  her  ? 

Law.  No,  T  didn't  I  kissed  her  ! 

Blu.  You  did  ? 


18 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


Law.  I  did  ;  it’s  a  peculiarity  I’ve  got. 

BLu.  I’m  overwhelmed  with  wonder. 

Law.  .Not  more  than  1  was,  I  assure  you.  I  pleaded  for  you  witu 
all  my  heart.  You  wouldn’t  marry  the  woman  that  is  in  love  with  me- 

BLu.  [Rising  )  Mr.  Lawless,  this  breach  of  every  manly  and  hon¬ 
orable  feeling,  to  which  you  plead  guilty  with  such  insensible  and 
hardened  nonchalance ,  can  only  be  answered  through  the  medium  or 
some  mutual  friend,  sir. 

Law.  Fire  away  !  I’m  the  mutual  friend. 

Blu.  Fire  away  !  Lawless,  this  language  is  disgusting.  Not  con¬ 
tent  with  betraying  your  friend  in  the  most  tender  point,  you  descend 
trout  the  name  ot  gentleman,  sir,  when  you  introduce  your  unfeeling 
levity  of  language  to  combat  his  direct  accusations.  ‘What  can  you 
expect  from  me  after  this  conduct  ? 

Law.  Expect?  Christian  fortitude  and  pious  resignation  !  Look 
at  me  ; — see  how  cool  I  am  !  Remark  the  placid  philosophy  with 
which  I  bear  your  misfortunes  !  With  the  stern  bent  of  a  Brutus — 
the  spirit  of  a  Damon — I  have  determined  to  sacrifice  myself  on  the 
altar  of  devoted  friendship!  Fay  no  more  ;  (rising.)  I  feel  for  your 
situation  ;  I’ll  give  up  her  fortune  to  you,  whatever  it  is,  and  you 
shall  have  the  other  sister  into  the  bargain.  I’ll  marry  her  for  your 
sake  ! — there,  send  that  down  to  your  posterity  for  fact,  and  if 
they’re  not  astonished,  damme  ! 

•  Bla.  You  shall  not  marry  her! 

Law.  There’s  ingratitude! — there!  who  talks  of  unfeeling  levity 
now  ?  Well,  if  that’s  my  thapks,  I’ll  packet  my  magnanimity  after 
that ! 

Blu.  Do  you  mean  this  for  badinage,  sir?  Otherwise  let  me  assure 
you  that  1  consider  it  insulting,  and  request,  — nay,  demand  an  apol¬ 
ogy. 

Law.  ( Looking  at  him  with  surprise .]  Ah,  poor  fellow  ! — (crosses  to  l.) 

— I  was  too  sudden  with  my  information  ;  — distrained  his  attics  ! 
Adieu,  Peter  ! 

Blu.  Stay,  sir  ! 

Law.  Hush  !  I’ll  send  the  servants  :  quiet  will  do  you  good,  be¬ 
lieve  me  it  will. 

Blu.  I  insist - 

Ljuw.  Ah  !  I’ll  order  two  grains  of  opium,  ditto  Dover’s  powder  in 
some  milk. 

Blu.  Lawless  ! - 

Law.  Compose  yourself  ;  get  to  sleep,  do,  and  I’ll  see  you  in  the 
morning.  (Exit  pitifully .  1.  e.  l.  h. 

Blu.  I  scarcely  know  which  most  to  reprobate  ;  the  unfeeling  rail¬ 
lery  of  that  brainless  idiot,  or  the  shameless  coquetry  of  that  perfidi¬ 
ous  girl!  she  knew  I  loved  her — she  must  have  known.  I  see  it  all ; 
wearied  by  my  ridiculous  silence— the  mauvai.s  honte  which  T  find  it 
impossible  to  shake  off.  has  laid  her  heart  open  to  the  insidious  arts 
of  that  unfeeling  wretch  ! 

Enter  Harriet,  r.  h.  1.  e. 

We  are  ready  to  go  now.  Peter. 

I>lu.  Pardon  me,  madam  ;  I  fear  that  it  will  be  out  of  my  power 
to  accompany  you. 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


19 


liar.  How  so  ? 

Blu.  1  am  about  to  start  for  London  instantly. 
liar.  What  has  happened? 

Blu.  Can  you  as^  me  ? 

liar.  Good  gracious  !  anything  dreadful  ? 

Blu.  Overwhelinning  to  me,  madam,  though  indifferent,  it  seems, 
to  you. 

Har  Is  your  bank  broke  ? 

Blu.  My  bank  !  No,  madam  !  my  heart  has  broke,  after  lavishing 
its  parse  of  feelings  on  a  desperate  object,  you — 
liar.  What  have  I  done? 

Blu.  Have  you  uot  in  the  most  marked  manner  encouraged  my 
addresses  ? 

Har.  Well  ? 

Blu.  And  but  now,  were  you  not  in  the  arms  of  one  who  is  to  you 
a  comparative  stranger?  Do  you  not  for  him  reject  the  heart  that 
still  adores  you  —  which,  though  it  breaks  upon  the  word,  now  bids 
you  farewell  for  ever !  (Exit,  c.  d.  l.  h. 

liar.  Blushington  !  Peter  !  I  beseech  — my  brain’s  bewildered  ! 
Oh,  here  comes  Mr.  Lawless  ;  he  perhaps,  can  clear  away  this  mys¬ 
tery  !  ( Enter  Lawless,  with  a  letter,  l.  h.  1  e.)  My  dear  sir,  can  you 
tell  me  what  has  happened? 

Law.  I  cannot,  at  present. 
liar.  Mr.  Blush — 

Law .  Oh,  you’ve  seen  him,  then. 

Har.  He  suddenly  upbraided  me  with  I  know  not  what,  and  dash¬ 
ed  out  of  the  room  ! 

Law.  Ah,  he’s  very  mad— further  gone  than  I  thought  he  was ! 
Har.  Where  is  he  gone,  did  you  say? — where  shall  we  find  him? 
Law.  You  never  bet,  I  suppose  ? 
liar.  Bet,  sir  ? 

Law.  Oh,  nothing  ;  only  if  \  ou  did,  I’d  give  long  odds  you  find  him 
at  the  bottom  of  the  nearest  horse  pond. 

Har.  Sir  ! 

Law.  Or  ordering  the  largest  washing-tub  on  the  premises,  for  a 
series  of  hydraulic  experiments  ! 

Mar.  Can  it  be  possible  ? 

Law.  Certainly,  I’ll  hold  you  two  to  one  1  drown  myself  in  a  wash¬ 
ing  basin,  for  you  see  anything  which  is  sufficiently  capacious  to  ex- 
c.ude  the  atmospheric  air  by  the  introduction  of  an  acqueous  fluid 
c  luses  a  suspension  of  the  animal  functions  ( Exit  Harriet,  r.  h.  1  e.) 
i.i  toto,  because— hollo  !  she’s  off.  (  Enter  Nibbs.  l.  h.  1  e.)  I  say  you, 
sir.  come  here,  deliver  this  letter  with  all  speed.  (N  bbs  retires  up) 
1  begin  to  thaw  towards  Blushington.  That  letter  to  Kate  will  clinch 
the  affairs  in  that  quarter — it  is  to  ask  her  to  e’ope  with  me  at  once 
— to  save  time  and  trouble  I’ll  rescue  the  maniac.  (Exit,  l  h.  1  e. 
Nib.  Hollo!  sir!  sir!  who’s  the  letter  for ? — you  forgot — 

Squ.  (coming  from  c.  n  )  Here’s  a  lark  ! 

Nib.  Yes.  I  think  it  is  why  here’s  your  master  given  me  a  letter 
to  deliver  with  stopping  to  say  who  to. 

Squ.  Look  at  the  direction  old  greens. 


20 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


Nib.  Look  yourself  young  brocoli. 

Squ.  Why  there  aint  none. 

Nib.  What’s  to  be  done  ? 

Squ.  Give  it  the  first  as  comes,  he’ll  open  it,  see  who  it  is  for,  and 
forward  it  accordingly.  ( Enten -  Miss  Penelope  Prude,  r.  h.  1  e.) 
There’s  a  beautiful  direction. 

Nib.  Please  ma’am  here’s  a  letter  for  you. 

Miss  P.  From  whom  ? 

Nib.  Mr.  Lawless,  ma’am. 

Miss  P.  (Opens  it  and  reads.)  “My  own  dear  love  oh,  give  me 
a  chair.  (Staggers  back ,  Squib  catches  her.  Nibbs  brings  chair.) 

Squ.  A  chair,  quick  :  make  haste  old  fellow,  my  sitiwation  aint 
no  sinyqueer.  ( seats  her)  She’d  make  fifteen  stone  seven  kick  the  beam. 

Miss  P.  I  was  quite  overcome. 

Squ.  So  was  I  werry  near. 

Miss  P.  Leave  the  room. 

Squ.  Consider  it  hewackivated,  mum. 

(She  puts  on  her  spectacles — Nibbs  and  Squib  look  over  her  shoulders.) 

“  My  own  dear  Love , —  You  will  be  surprised  at  the  tenor  of  this  letter , 
but  a  late  conversation  with  Blushington  renders  it  imperative.  He  asserts 
that  you  are  in  love  with  him.”  (Oh,  what  an  infamous  wretch  !)  “ But 
Ido  not  believe  it.”  (No,  I  should  think  not  indeed.)  “  You  cannot  doubt 
my  love ,  my  unalterable  devoted  attachment — may  I  rely  on  yours.  1  for¬ 
got  to  ask  you  how  you  would  like  our  little  affair  to  come  off  an  elopement 
is  effective  but  very  expensive ,  and  I'm  quite  cleaned  out  at  present — (quite 
cleaned  out.)  Its  a  peculiarity  I  have  had  since  the  last  Derby ,  so  will  you 
speak  to  the  squire  and  beseech  him  to  accede  to  the  prayers  of  your  fond  ” 

“  Harry  Lawless.” 

Squ.  Oh  !  ( whispering )  She’s  hewaporating  off  again. 

Nib.  I  shan’t  stop. 

Squ.  I  shall  —  (aloud)— beg  pardon,  ma’am. 

Miss  P.  (screaming)  Oh  !  I  thought  you  were  gone. 

Squ.  Did  you  now,  ma’am?  No,  I  was  vaiting  permiscusly  about 
like. 

Miss  P.  Pm  sure  I  didn’t  see  you. 

Squ.  ’Taint  natural  as  you  should,  cos  your  heyes  isn’t  in  the  nape 
of  your  neck,  but  pleasantly  sitiwated  in  their  husual  occupation. 

Miss  P.  What  do  you  want? 

Squ.  Any  answer  mum? 

Miss  P.  No. 

Squ.  Oh,  any  little  curiosity  about  your  person  mum,  jest  to  con- 
wince  him  as  you  got  it. 

Miss.  P.  What  shall  1  send  ? 

Squ.  I  have  change  for  a  sovereign. 

Miss.  P.  Oh,  1  understand — there’s  a  sovereign,  give  me  nineteer 
shillings  and  sixpence  young  man. 

Squ.  I  11  procure  that  ere  balance,  (aside)  There’s  principles  foi 
an  old  lady. 

Miss  P.  I  will  go  ami  consult  my  dear  brother  on  this  point,  1! 
was  convinced  something  would  turn  up  at  last  and  it  has. 

Exit ,  C.  D.  L.  H 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


21 


Squ.  My  guv’ner  never  intended  this  ere  letter  for  Miss  Penny- 
loaf  Proud — here  will  be  a  shindy  in  two  minutes,  and  1  must  see 
the  fun  somehow. 

Nib.  Ah,  but  how  ? 

Squ.  Let’s  see  now. 

Nib.  Make  haste,  here  comes  Mr.  Bromley  and  my  master. 

Squ.  Here,  you  get  behind  the  fire  board. 

(Nibbs  creeps  into  the  fire  place,  2  e.  r.  h. — Squib  puts  up  the  board  before 
him — looks  off — and  gets  under  sofa ,  L  C.) 

Enter  Bromley  and  Blushington,  c.  d.  r.  h. 

Bro.  (l.  h.)  But  my  dear  sir,  so  sudden  a  departure,  what  is 
the  cause  ? 

Blu.  (r.  h.)  Don’t  ask  me,  Mr.  Bromley. 

Bro.  1  must !  I  shall !  I  will ! 

Blu.  Well  if  I  must  be  —  you  are  aware  that  I  have  long  been 
deeply  attached  to  your  eldest  daughter. 

Bro.  I  have  suspected  as  much. 

Blu.  Well,  sir,  my  infernal  bashfulness  prevented  me  from  open¬ 
ly  avowing  my  passion  and  addressing  the  lady,  when  Mr.  Lawless 
undertook  to — 

Bro.  To  make  love  for  you. 

Blu.  Precisely  ;  and  I  find  that  the  object  of  my  adoration  has 
been  made  the  victim  of  his  insidious  arts,  and,  in  fine,  is  deeply  in 
love  with  him. 

Bro.  What !  what,  sir !— I  say  she  shan’t  be  in  love  with  him. 
Blu.  Now  are  you  surprised  at  my  determination  ? 

Bro.  She  shan’t  have  him. 

Bro.  Excuse  me,  Mr.  Bromley,  I  see  Kate  coming — permit  me  to 
retire.  Exit ,  r  h.  1  e. 

Enter  Kate,  l.  h.  1  e. 

Kate.  My  dear  father;  you  will  be  surprised  at  the  subject  I’m 
about  to  broach. 

Bro.  Proceed. 

Kate.  To  cut  a  long  story  short,  that,  Mr.  Lawless  has  proposed 
to  me. 

Bro.  What!  the  devil !  he  hasn’t  been  making  love  to  both  of 
my  daughters. 

Kate.  1  love  him,  father,  please  may  I  have  him  ? 

Enter  Miss  P.  Prude,  c.  d.  l.  h.,  with  a  letter. 

Miss  P.  Oh,  brother,  I  have  found  you  at  last,  read  that  and 
spare  my  blushes. 

Bro.  I  can’t,  I  won’t,  I’m  blind  with  rage,  what  is  it  about? 

Miss  P.  Mr.  Lawless  lays  his  hand  and  fortune  at  my  feet. 

Bro.  Damn  me  if  the  fellow  doesn’t  want  to  marry  my  whole 
family  —  I’m  a  magistrate,  (crosses  to  r.  and  back)  I’ll  take  him  up 
for  wilful  intent  at  trigamy.  ( Enter  Lawless,  l.  h.)  Oh.  here’s  the 
culprit _ now,  sir,  how  would  you  look  if  I  was  to  commit  you  tor 

trial?  . 

Law.  Why,  confound  me,  if  Blushington  hasn’t  bitten  the  Old 

gentleman.  . 

Bro.  Look  ye,  sir,  you  did  me  the  honor  to  invite  yourself  into 


22 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


my  house,  you  insult  my  tenants,  you  play  the  devil  with  my  house¬ 
maids,  and  you  throw  the  whole  of  my  family  into  confusion,  parti¬ 
cularly  the  female  portion  of  it,  and  what  apology  do  yon  make? 

Law.  It’s  a  peculiarity  1  have  got. 

tiro.  Then,  sir,  the  sooner  you  and  your  peculiarities  arc  trans¬ 
planted  to  their  proper  soil,  new  Bedlam,  the  better  for  society. 

Miss  P.  (comes  down ,  r.  h.)  Bedlam  or  Botany  Bay  1  care  not.  his 
home  shall  be  my  home  his  couch  my  couch,  (crosses  to  l.  and  tushes 

up  to  him ) 

Low.  (running  away)  Hollo!  by  jove  the  old  gentleman  has  bit¬ 
ten  the  old  lady. 

Kate  What  can  this  mean? 

Enter  Blushington  and  Harriet,  r.  h.  1  e. 

Ear.  Mr.  Lawless,  pray  did  you  ever  offer  me  your  hand,  and 
did  1  ever  accept  it  ?  I  demand  a  candid  reply. 

Law.  Never! 

Miss  P.  Never !  of  course  not,  that  bliss  is  mine. 

Law.  Is  it  ? 

Kate.  No,  mine,  (comes  down) 

Mr.  B.  There  is  some  mistake  there. 

Miss  P.  Base  man,  have  you  deceived  me?  (sits  down  on  sofa ,  l.  h.) 

Law.  I  11  soon  find  it  out.  (calling  off,  l.  h.1  Squib  ! 

Squ.  (from  underneath  the  sofa)  Yes,  sir.  (lifts  up  the  sofa,  the  end 
resting  on  his  shoulders—] Miss  Prude  screams  out ,  and  falls  into  Brom¬ 
ley  s  arms  Squib  overturns  the  sofa ,  and  stands  saluting — Bromley  puts 
Aj  iss  Prude  in  an  arm  chair  near  the  fire-place,  R.  H.) 

Law.  How  the  devil  did  you  get  here? 

Squ.  Thought  you  might  want  me  —  didn’t  like  to  intrude  sir 
here  l  am. 


Law.  How  did  this  mistake  occur? 

Squ.  Aly  Nibbs,  sir,  delivered  the  letter  wrong. 

Bhi.  The  Blundering  rascal— where  is  he?  Nibbs  !  Nibbs  *  (the 

jin'  screen  tumbles  down,  and  Nibbs  appears  covered  with  soot,  r.  h.  2  e 
Miss  Prude  screams) 

Law^  Where’s  the  letter  I  gave  you  for  Miss  Kate  Bromley  ? 

Nib.  I  gave  it  to  Miss  Prude. 

dL.s.s-  P.  And  you  did  not  mean  to  offer  me  your  hand  and  fortune. 
Jmw.  1  never  had  a  peculiarity  that  way. 

Mr.  B.  Penny,  you’re  a  stupid  old  fool. 

Miss  P.  Sam,  you’re  a  brute. 

B/a.  (to  Nibbs)  Leave  the  room,  sir. 

Law.  (to  Squib,  who  jumps  up)  Serve  him  as  I  did  the  horse  and 

Squ.  Shall  be  done,  sir.  (Exeunt  Squib  after  Nibbs,  l.  h.  1  e.) 

vm*  \t  y°ur  hand,  Harry  —  forgive  me,  I  have  wronged 

yifl  B!’omley-  are  we  to  kneel  in  vain  ? 

1  f‘  ^ ou  have  loved  my  daughter? 

Blu.  For  three  years 

nn^nf  Take  her  Blushington— take  her  boy— though  I  am  giving 
K  y  °'es  awaA  t°  you.  (Harriet  and  Blushington  go  up) 
Bate,  (to  Lawless)  What  stall  we  do  ? 


A  LOVER  BY  PROXY. 


2$ 


Law.  (to  Kate)  Get  on  the  blind  side  of  him. 

Kate,  (goes  up  to  Bromley)  Papa  !  ( coaxingly )  Papa  ! 

Law.  Mr.  Bromrny ! 

Mr.  B.  (aside)  I’ll  hold  out  like  the  rock  of  Gibraltar! 

Law.  You  see,  I  love  your  daughter. 

Mr.  B.  Pooh,  sir! — you  have  only  known  her  for  a  few  hours! 

Law.  Oh,  pardon  me — for  a  month  !  A  brown  satin  shoe  is  pos¬ 
itively  stereotyped  in  my  imagination  !  Will  you  give  us  leave  to 
marry  ? 

Mr.  B.  No  ! 

Law.  You  obdurate  old  father  !  Lend  me  ten  pounds  to  run  away 
with  her. 

Mr.  B.  I’ll  see  you  hang’d  first! 

Law.  Unreasonable  old  miser  !  Now,  this  is  very  absurd  of  you, 
for  you  see  we  have  made  up  our  minds  ! 

Mr.  B.  And  so  have  I ! 

Law.  You  refuse  your  consent? 

Mr.  B.  I  do! 

Law.  Once  for  all  ?' 

Mr.  B.  Yes! 

Law.  I’ll  give  you  another  chance. 

Mr.  B.  Everything  is  against  you. 

Law.  I  hope  not — let  me  see.  (looks  through  his  glass  at  the  audience ) 
Have  I  not  one  friend  here  to  second  me. 

Bro.  No,  Pll  answer  for  it.  (going  forward) 

Laio.  Ahem — I’ll  hold  you  two  to  one  you  lose. 

Bro.  Done — ahem — gentlemen. 

Law.  Ladies — aha!  I  had  you  there.  You  are  all  my  especial 
peculiarities — ladies,  this  is  an  action  brought  by  Samuel  Bromley, 
plaintitf,  against  Harry  Lawless,  barrister-at  law,  defendant,  to  re¬ 
cover  the  heart  of  one  Miss  Kate  Bromley,  which  aforesaid  heart, 
with  its  appurtenances,  &c.,  the  defendant  doth  hereby  claim  to  be 
seized  of.  Kate,  I  have  opened  the  case — do  you  address  the  tribunal. 

Kate.  Ahem.  (imitating  a  barrister's  manner)  My  luds. — The  de¬ 
fendant  has  stated  that  my  client  has  only  been  acquainted  with 
Miss  Kate  Bromley  for  a  few  hours,  surely  my  client  must  know  his 
own  feelings  best.  My  luds.  remember  this  is  a  very  peculiar  case  : 
the  lady  at  issue  is  my  worthy  client’s  first  brief.  You  have  but  to 
decide  whether  he  has  well  sustained  the  character  of  the  Lover  by 
Proxy,  and  I  sit  down  with  the  fullest  confidence  in  your  judgement, 
that  a  verdict  will  be  returned  for  my  client. 

My  luds,  on  the  bench  and  ladies  of  the  jury,  that  is  the  plaintiffs 

case. 

SITUATIONS. 

Kate,  Law. 


Mr.  Brom. 
Miss  Prude. 

(r.  h  ) 


Harriet. 

Mr.  Blush. 

(L.  H.) 


C  UR  T  A  1  N. 


JUST  PUBLISHED 

What  Happened  to  Jones 

An  Original  Farce  in  Tiiree  Acts 
By  GEORGE  H.  BROABHURST 


CAST  OF  CHARACTERS 

JONES,  who  travel*  for  a  hymn-book  hoy se 
EBENEZER  GOODLY,  a  professor  of  anatomy 
A 'TONY  GOODLY.  D.D.,  Bishop  of  Ballarat 
RICHARD  I  f  LATI IERL  Y,  engaged  to  Marjorie 
THOMAS  HOLDER,  a  policeman 
WILLIAM  BIGREE,  an  inmate  of  the  Sanitarium 
HENRY  FULLER,  superintendent  of  the  Sanitarium 
MRS.  GOODLY,  Ebenezer's  wife 
CISSY,  Ebenezer's  ward 
MARJORIE,  [ 

MINERVA,  i  Ebenezer's  daughters 

ALVINA  STARLIGHT,  Mr.  Goodly's  sister 
IIELMa,  a  servant 

SYNOPSIS  OF  SCENES 

ACT  1. —Handsomely  furnished  room  in  home  of 
Ebenezer  Goodly. 

ACT  2. — The  same. 

ACT  3. -The  same. 


This  is  the  jolliest  sort  of  a  farce,  clean  and  sparkling  all  the  "way 
through.  A  professor  of  anatomy  is  lured  to  a  prize  right  and  the 
police  make  a  raid  on  the  “mill.”  The  professor  escapes  to  his 
Homo,  followed  by  Jones,  a  traveling  salesman,  who  sells  hymn 
books  when  he  can  and  playing  cards  when  he  cannot.  The  police 
are  on  the  trail,  so  Jones  disguises  himself  by  putting  on  a  Bishop’s 
garb,  and  a  lot  of  funny  complications  ensue.  The  other  funmakers 
are  aided  not  a  little  by  an  escaped  lunatic.  This  celebrated  farce 
lias  been  a  tremendous  success  for  years  on  the  professional  stage  and 
is  now  published  for  the  first  time. 


PRICE,  50  CENTS 


er- SEND  FOR  A  NEW  DESCRIPTIVE  CATALOGUE. 


VOL.  XLI. 

The  Pirate’s  Legacy 
The  Charcoal  Burner 
Adelgitha 
Senor  Valiente 
Forest  Rose 
Duke’s  Daughter 
Camilla’s  Husband 
Pure  Gold 

VOL.  XLII. 

Ticket  of  Leave  Man 
Fool’s  Revenge 
O’Neil  the  Great 
Handy  Andy 
Pirate  of  the  Isles 
Fanchon 
Little  Barefoot 
Wild  Irish  Girl 
VOL.  XLIII. 

Pearl  of  Savoy 
Dead  Heart 
Ten  N  ights  in  a  Bar-room 
Dumb  Boy  of  Manchester 
Bel  phegor  the  Moun  teb’k 
Cricket  on  the  Hearth 
Printer’s  Devil 
Meg’s  Diversion 


(French's  Standard  Drama  Continued  from  2d  page  of  Cover.) 

VOL.  L. 

393  Fine  Feathers 

394  Prompter’s  Box 

395  Iron  Master 

396  Engaged 

597  Pygmalion  &  Galatea 

398  Leah 

399  Scrap  of  Paper 

400  Lost  in  London 
VOL.  LI. 

401  Octoroon 

402  Confederate  Spy 

403  Mariner’s  Return 

404  Ruined  by  Drink 

405  Dreams 

406  M.  P. 

407  War 

408  Birth 

VOL.  LIL 

409  Nightingale 

410  Progress 

411  Play 

412  Midnight  Charge 

413  Confidential  Clerk 

414  Snowball 

415  Our  Regimens 

416  Married  for  Money 
Hamlet  in  Three  Acts 
Guttle  &  Gulpit 


VOL.  XLIV. 

VOL.  XLVII. 

345  Drunkard’s  Doom 

369  Saratoga 

346  Chimney  Corner 

370  Never  Too  Late  to  Mend 

347  Fifteen  Years  of  a  Drunk- 

371  Lily  of  France 

348  No  Thoroughfare  I" ard’s 

372  Led  Astray 

349  Peep  O’  Day  |_Life 

373  Henry  V 

350  Everybody’s  Friend 

374  Unequal  Match 

351  Gen.  Grant 

375  May  or  Dolly’s  Delusion 

352  Kathleen  Mavourneen 

376  Allatoona 

VOL.  XLV. 

VOL.  XLVtII. 

353  Nick  Whiffles 

377  Enoch  Arden 

354  Fruits  of  the  Wine  Cup 

378  Under  the  Gas  Light 

355  Drunkard’s  Warning 

379  Daniel  Rochat 

356  Temperance  Doctor 

380  Caste 

357  Aunt  Dinah 

381  School 

358  Widow  Freeheart 

382  Home 

359  Frou  Frou 

383  David  Garrick 

360  Long  Strike 

384  Ours 

VOL.  XLVI. 

VOL.  XLIX. 

361  Larcers 

385  Social  Glass, 

362  Lu>  ille 

386  Daniel  Druce 

363  Randall’s  Thumb 

387  Two  Roses 

364  Wicked  World 

388  Adrienne 

365  Two  Orphans 

389  The  Bells 

366  Colleen  Bawn 

390  Uncle 

367  ’Twixt  Axe  and  Crown 

391  Courtship 

368  Lady  Clancarthy 

392  Not  Such  a  Fool 

RENCH’S  INTERNATIONAL  COPYRIGHTED  EDITION 
OF  THE  WORKS  OF  THE  BEST  AUTHORS. 

The  following  very  successful  plays  have  just  been  issued  at  25  cents  per  copy. 

THE  BALLOON.  Farcical  comedy  in  8  Acts  by  J. 
H.  Darni.ey  and  Manville  Fenn.  6  male,  4  female 


PAIR  OF  SPECTACLES.  Comedy  in  3  Acts 
iy  Svdnhy  Grundy,  author  of  “  Sowing  the  Wind,’ 
ic.  8  male,  3  female  characters. 

FOOL’S  PARADISE.  An  original  play  in  3 
Wts  by  Sydney  Grundy,  author  of  “Sowing  the 
Wind,”  Ac.  5  male,  4  female  characters. 

P  E  SILVER  SHIELD.  An  original  comedy  in 
I  Acts  by  Sydney  Grundy,  author  of  “Sowing  the 
Wind,”  Ac.  5  male,  3  female  characters. 

HE  GLASS  OF  FASHION.  An  original  com- 
>dy  in  4  Acts  by  Sydney  Grundy,  author  of  “Sowing 
,he  Wind,”  Ac.  5  male.  5  female  characters. 


characters. 

MISS  CLEOPATRA.  Farce  in  3  Acts  by  Arthur 
Shirley.  7  male,  3  female  characters. 

SIX  PERSONS.  Comedy  Act  by  I.  Zangwill. 
1  male.  1  female  character. 

FASHIONABLE  INTELLIGENCE.  Comedi¬ 
etta  in  1  Act  by  Percy  Fendall.  1  male,  1  female 
cha  ,'acter. 

HIGHLAND  LEGACY.  Comedy  in  1  Act  by 

Brandon  Thomas,  author  of  “Charley’s  Aunt.” 
5  male,  2  female  characters. 


Contents  of  Catalogue  which  is  sent  Free. 


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tides  Needed  by  Amateurs 

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ker’s  Reading  Club 

ards,  Whiskers,  Mustaches,  etc. 

und  Sets  of  Plays 

ilwer  Lytton’s  Plays 

irlesque  Dramas 

irnt  Cork 

ibman’s  Story 

irnivnl  of  Authors 

larade  Plays 

illdren’s  Plays 

>mic  Dramas  for  Male  Characters 
only 

istume  Books 
ape  Hair 

tmberiand  Edition 
irkey  Dramas 
ram  as  for  Boys 
rawing-room  Monologues 
ocution,  Reciters  and  Speakers 
;hvopian  Dramas 


Evening’s  Entertainment 
Fairy  and  Home  Plays 
French’s  Costumes 
French’s  Editions 
French’s  Italian  Operas 
French’s  Parlor  Comedies 
French’s  Standard  and  Minor  Drama 
French’s  Standard  and  Minor  Drama, 
bound 

French’s  Scenes  for  Amateurs 

Frobisher’s  Popular  Recitals 

Grand  Army  Dramas 

G u i d  j  Books  for  Amateurs 

Guide  to  Selecting  Plays 

Hints  on  Costumes 

Home  Plays  for  Ladles 

Irish  Plays 

Irving’s  Plays 

Juvenile  Plays 

Make-Up  Book 

Make-Up  Box 

Mock  Trial 

Mrs.  Jarley’s  Wax  Works 
New  Plays 


New  Recitation  Books 

Nigger  Jokes  and  Stump  Speeches 

Parlor  Magic 

Parlor  Pantomimes 

Pieces  of  Pleasantry 

Poems  for  Recitations 

Plays  for  Mf.i-  Characters  only 

Round  Games 

Scenery 

Scriptural  and  Historical  Dramas 

Sensation  Dramas 

Se'io-Comic  Dramas 

Shadow  Pantomimes 

Shakespeare’s  Plays  for  Amateurs 

Shakespeare’s  Plays 

Stanley’s  Dwarfs 

Spirit  Gum 

Tableaux  Vivants 

Talma  Actor’s  Art 

Temperance  Plays 

Vocal  Music  of  Shakespeare’s  Plays 

Webster’s  Acting  Edition 

Wigs,  etc. 


VOL.  XLT. 

Adventures  of  a  Love 
I  ost  Child  [Letter 

Court  Cards 
Cox  and  Box 
Forte  Winks 
Wonderful  Woman 
Curious  Case 
Tweedleton’s  Tail  Coat 


VOL.  XLII. 

VOL.  XLIII. 

329  As  Like  as  T  wo  Peas 

337  Sunset 

330  Presumptive  Evidence 

338  For  Haifa  Million 

331  Happy  Band 

339  Cable  Car 

332  Pinafore 

340  Early  Bird 

333  Mock  Trial 

34l  Alumni  Play 

334  My  Uncle’s  Will 

342  Show  of  Hands 

335  Happy  Pair 

343  Barbara 

336  My  Turn  Next 

344  Who’s  Who 

r.) 

VOL.  XLIV. 

345  Who’s  To  Win  Him 

346  Which  i  s  Which 

347  Cup  of  Tea 

343  Sarah’s  Young  Man 

349  Hearts 

350  In  Honor  Bound  [Law 

351  Freezing  a  Mother-in- 

352  My  Lord  in  Livery 


I  _ 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street,  New  York  City. 


ggr  Hew  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request. 

I  *  * 


FRENCH’S  STANDARD  DRAMJ* 


Price  15  Cents  each.— Bound  Volumes  $1.25. 


VOL.  I. 

Ion 

Fazio 

The  Lady  oi  Lyons 

Richelieu 

The  Wife 


The  Honeymoon 
The  School  for  Scandal 


9 

10 

11 

12 

13 

14 

15 

16 


17 

18 

19 

20 
21 
22 

23 

24 


25 

26 

27 

28 
29 
oO 

31 

32 


33 

34 

35 

36 

37 

38 

39 

40 


41 

42 

43 

44 

45 

46 

47 

48 


49 

50 

51 

52 
63 

54 

55 
66 


57 

58 

59 

60 
61 
62 

63 

64 


65 

66 

67 

68 

69 

70 

71 

72 


73 

74 

75 

76 

77 

78 

79 

80 


Money 

VOL.  II. 

The  Stranger 
Grandfather  Whitehead 
Richard  III 
Love’s  Sacrifice 
The  Gamester 
A  Cure  for  the  Heartach. 
The  Hunchback 
Don  Caesar  de  Kazan 
VOL.  III. 

The  Poor  Gentleman 

Hamlet 

Charles  II 

Venice  Preserved 

Pizarro 

The  Love  Chase 
Othello 

Lend  me  Five  Shillings 
VOL.  IV. 

Virginius 

King  of  the  Commons 

London  Assurance 

The  Rent  Day 

Two  Gentlemen  ofVerona 

The  Jealous  Wife 

The  Rivals 

Perfection 

VOL.  V.  [Debts 
A  New  Way  to  Pay  Old 
Look  Before  You  Leap 
King  John 
Nervous  Man 
Damon  and  Pythias 
Clandestine  Marriage 
William  Tell 
Day  after  the  Wedding 
VOL.  VI. 

Speed  the  Plough 
Romeo  and  Juliet 
Feudal  Times 
Charles  the  Twelfth 
The  Bride 

The  Follies  of  a  Night 
Iron  Chest  [Fair  Lady 
Faint  Heart  Never  Won 
VOL.  VII. 

Road  to  Ruin 

Macbeth 

Temper 

Evadne 

Bertram 

The  Duenna 

Much  Ado  About  Nothing 
The  i  'ritiei 

VOL.  VIII. 

The  Apostate 
Twelftn  Night 
Brutus 

Simpson  &  Co 
Merchant  of  Venice 
Did  Heads  A  Young  Hearts 
Mountaineers  [riage 
Three  Weeks  after  Mar- 
VOL.  IX. 

Love 

As  You  Like  It 
The  Elder  Brother 
Werner 
Gisippus 

Town  and  Country 
King  Lear 
Blue  Devils 

VOL.  X. 

Henry  VIII 
Married  and  Single 
Henrv  IV 
Paul  Pry 
Guy  Mannering 
Sweethearts  and  Wives 
Serious  Family 
Sne  Stoops  to  Conquer 


VOL.  XI. 

81  .Tulius  Caisar 

82  Vicar  of  Wakefield 

83  Leap  Year 

84  The  Catspaw 

55  The  Passing  Cloud 

86  Drunkard 

87  Rob  Roy 

88  George  Barnwell 

VOL.  XII. 

89  Ingomar 

90  Skeiches  in  India 

9 1  Two  Friends 
9^  Jane  Shore 

93  Corsican  Brothers 
54  Mind  your  own  Business 

95  Writing  on  the  Wall 

96  Heir  at  Law 

VOL.  XIII. 

97  Soldier’s  Daughter 
9  Douglas 

99  Marco  Spada 

100  Natine’.  Nobleman 

101  Sardaua  pal  us 

102  Civil'zation 

103  The  Robbers 

104  Katharine  and  Petruchio 

VOL.  XIV. 

105  Game  of  Love 

106  Midsummer  Nlght?s 

107  Ernestine  [Dream 

108  Rag  I’ieker  of  Paris 

109  Flying  Dutchman 
l  ij  Hypocrite 

1 1 1  Tl’ierese 

1 12  La  Tour  de  Nesle 

VOL.  XV. 

113  Ireland  As  It  Is 

114  Sea  of  Ice 

1 15  Seven  Clerks 

116  Game  of  Life 

117  Forty  Thieves 

118  Bryan  Boroihme 

119  Romance  and  Reality 

120  Ugolino 

t  xvi. 

121  The  Tempest 

122  The  Pilot 

123  Carpenter  of  Rouen 
1  4  King’s  Rival 

125  Little  Treasure 

126  Dombev  and  Son 

12"  Parents  and  Guardians 

128  Jewess 

VOL.  XVII. 

129  Camille 

130  Married  Life 

131  Wen  lock  of  Wenlock 

132  Rose  of  Etirickvale 

133  David  Copperfield 

134  Aline,  or  the  Rose  of 

1 35  Pauline  [Killarney 

136  Jane  Eyre 

vol.  xviir. 

137  Night  and  Morning 

138  .-Ethiop 

139  Three  Guardsmen 

140  Tom  Cringle 

141  Ilenriette,  the  Forsaken 

142  Eustache  Baudin 
!43  Ernest  Malt  ravers 

144  Bold  Dragoons 

VOL.  XIX. 

145  Dred,  or  the  Dismal 

[Swamp 

146  Last  Day 8  of  Pompeii 

147  Esmeralda 

148  Peter  Wilkins 

149  Ben  the  Boatswain 

150  Jonathan  Bradford 

151  Retribution 

152  Minerali 

VOL.  XX. 

153  French  Snv 

154  V»  ept  of  Wish-ton  Wish 

155  Evil  Genius 

156  Ben  Bolt 

157  Sailor  of  France 

158  Red  Mask 

159  Life  of  an  Actress 

160  Wedding  Day 


VOL.  XXL 

161  All’s  Fair  in  Love 

162  Ilofer 

163  Self 

164  Cinderella 
166  Phantom 

166  Franklin  [Moscow 

167  The  Gunmaker  of 

168  The  Love  of  a  Priime 

VOL.  XXII. 

169  Son  of  the  Night 

170  Rory  O’More 

171  Golden  Eagle 
'",2  Rienzi 

173  Broke  Sword 

174  Rip  Van  Winkle 

175  Isabelle 

176  Heart  of  Mid  Lothian 

VOL.  XXI11. 

177  Actress  of  Padua 

178  floating  Beacon 

179  Bride  ot  Lammermoor 

180  Cataract  of  the  Ganges 

181  Roll  tier  of  the  Rhine 

182  School  of  Reform 

183  Wandering  Boys 

184  Mazeppa 

VOL.  XXIV. 

185  Young  New  York 

186  The  Victims 

187  Romance  after  Marriage 

188  Brigand 

189  Poor  of  New  York 

190  Ambrose  Gwinett 

191  Raymond  and  Agnes 

192  Gambler’s  Fate 

VOi-  XXV. 

193  Father  and  Son 

194  M  ssaniello 

195  Sixteen  String  Jack 

196  Youtlitul  Queen 

197  Skeleton  Witness 

198  Innkeeper  of  Akin  ville 

199  Miller  and  his  Men 

200  Aladdin 

VOL.  XXVI. 

201  Adrienne  the  Actress 

202  Undine 

203  Jesse  Brown 

204  Asinodeus 

205  Mormons 

206  Blanche  of  Brandywine 

207  Viola 

208  Deseret  Deserted 

VOL.  XXVII. 

209  Americans  in  Paris 

210  Victorine 

211  Wizard  of  the  Wave 

212  Castle  Spectre 

213  Horse-shoe  Robinson 
21.  Armand,  Mrs.  Mowatt 
21  Fashion,  Mrs.  Mowatt 

216  Glance  at  New  York 
VOL.  XXV1I1. 

217  Inconstant 

218  Uncle  Toni’s  Cabin 

219  Guide  to  the  Stage 

220  Veteran 

221  Miller  of  New  Jersey 

222  Dark  Hour  before  Dawn 

223  Midsum’rNiglit’sDream 
[Laura  Keene’s  Edition 

224  Art  and  Artifice 
VOL.  XXIX. 

225  Poor  Young  Man 

226  Ossawattomie  Brown 

227  Pope  of  Rome 

228  Oliver  Twist 
299  Pauvrette 

230  Man  in  the  Iron  Mask 

231  Knight  of  Arva 

232  Moll  Pitcher 

VOL.  XXX. 

233  Black  Eyed  Susan 
2"4  Satan  in'  Paris 

235  Roslna  Meadows  [ess 

236  West  End,  or  Irish  Heir- 

237  Six  Degrees  of  Crime 

238  The  Lady  and  the  Devil 

239  Avemrer,  or  Moor  of  Sici- 


VOT,.  XXXI. 

241  Merry  Wives  of  W 

242  Mary’s  Birthday 

243  Shandy  Maguire 

244  Wilil  Oats 

245  Michael  Erie 
£46  Idiot  Witness 

247  Willow  Copse 

248  People's  Lawyer 

VC!  XXXII. 

249  The  Boy  Martyrs 

250  I.ucretia  Borgia 

251  Surgeon  of  Paris 

252  Patrician’s  Daught 

253  Shoemaker  of  Toul 

254  Momentous  Questii 

255  Love  and  Loyalty 

256  Robber’s  Wife 

VOL.  XXXIII. 

257  Dumb  Girl  of  Gene 
2  8  Wreck  Ashore 

259  (lari 

260  Rural  Felicity 
£61  Wallace 

262  Madelaine 

263  The  Fireman 
2t4  Grist  to  the  Mill 

VOL.  XXXIV. 

265  Two  Loves  and  a  I 

266  A  nnie  Blake 

267  Steward 

268  Captain  Kyd 

269  Nick  of  the  Woods 

270  Marble  Heart 

271  Second  Love 

272  Dream  at  Sea 

VuL.  XXXV. 

273  Breach  of  Promise 

274  Review 

275  Lady  of  the  Lake 

276  Still  Water  Runs  1 

277  The  Scholar 

278  Helping  Hands 

279  Kaust  and  Marguer 

280  Last  Man 

VOL.  XXXYI. 

281  Belle’s  Stratagem 

282  Old  and  Young 

283  Raffaella 

284  Ruth  Oakley 

285  British  Sir  ce 
2e6  A  Life  8  Ransom 
287  Giralda 

28  Time  Tries  All 

VOL.  XXXVII. 
289  Ella  Rosenl-urg 
29n  Warlock  of  the  Gle 

291  Zelina 

292  Beatrice 

2*3  Neighbor  Jackwoot 

294  Wonder 

£95  Robert  Emmet 

296  Green  Bushes 

VOL.  XXXVTT7. 

297  Flowers  oi  the  Fore 

298  A  Bachelor  of  Arts 

299  The  Midnight  Bant 

300  Husband  of  m  Hou 

301  Love’s  Labor  Lost 

302  Naiad  Queen 

303  Caprice 

304  Cradle  of  Liberty 

VOL.  XXXIX. 

305  The  Lost  Ship 
806  Country  Squire 

307  Fraud  and  its  Victi' 

308  Putnam 

309  King  and  Deserter 

310  La  F  anunina 

311  A  Hard  Struggle 

312  Gwinnette  Vaughai 

VOL  XL. 

313  The  Love  Knot  [.  ] 

314  Lavater,  or  Not  a, 

315  The  Noble  Heart 

316  Coriolantis 

317  The  Winter’s  Tale 

31 8  Eveleen  Wilson 

319  Ivanhoe 


240  Masks  and  Faces  [ly|320  Jonathan  in  Engla; 


(French'  s  Standard  Drama  Continued  on  id  page  of  Cover.) 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street,  New  York  City. 

New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


